TOUR DE FRANCE – finding a big screen in the Alps

G’day again, Lance.

Here I am with some more vital Tour tips for you…

Try to get to Morzine before 8.30 on Sunday night. You and Alberto Contador should arrive ahead of the others, so the peloton will be relying on you two to find a bar and reserve 188 places in front of a big screen to watch the World Cup Final (a soccer match in South Africa). Ask Alberto to explain it to you. His team Spain will be playing so he’ll know about it.

I’ve done a search on the internet and there aren’t many big screens in Morzine. And don’t expect French TV to show the game. The French public are a bit disappointed with the way their team performed, so I understand French TV channels won’t show any live football for the next four years. All currently scheduled matches will be replaced by replays of the 1998 World Cup Final, which had a more pleasing result*.

However, Morzine is a touristy town, so you could find Sunday’s match being screened in an English pub. Or a Dutch one. Lots of visitors will be interested, so get there well before the kick-off, and take plenty of spare cycling jerseys to reserve good seats down the front.

Paul the Octopus has predicted that Spain will win, which is disappointing to me because I was supporting the Dutch. The Dutch XI have offered to turn up and go through the motions anyway, since tickets and television rights have already been sold and fans expect a bit of a show.

Once the footy is out of the way, Paul the Octopus will be able to turn his attention to Le Tour and tell you what your chances of a podium finish are like. Of course, Paul can’t talk, so he makes his opinions known by eating mussels. It will be interesting to see how well he does, choosing between 188 contending mussels, but his football predictions have been spot on. If he says you’re out of it, you may want to consider an early withdrawal.

*France 3, Brazil 0

STOP PRESS: Ooh Lance, I felt your pain as you fell, and fell behind today! I hope Schleck, Evans and Contador will find you a good vantage point for watching the big game.

3 Comments

Filed under Cycling, Holland, Sport

3 responses to “TOUR DE FRANCE – finding a big screen in the Alps

  1. Hi Richard,
    Great laugh, again!
    I am a bit worried about the faith you have in Paul. I heard he’s getting some competition from a parakeet: http://news.oneindia.in/2010/07/10/finals-psychic-paul-octopus-vs-mani-parrot.html. You might check Mani out as well. Just in case…

  2. Mina, I saw that parakeet on TV too, but did you notice the suspiciously Dutch-looking hand helping Mani’s little beak flip the card over?

    I suggest what is needed is a dung beetle from a neutral state (Laos, perhaps?) to visit the dressing room of each team before the match, and crawl through…oh no, forget it!

  3. It did look kinda familiar, that hand… Dung beetles from Laos? I like that. 🙂

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