Really good.
He had racked up 26 Luck Points, increased his Wisdom, made some people happy, and—for the first time in forever—he wasn’t immediately being smacked down by the universe.
Life was good.
And then…
A group of sketchy-looking guys emerged from the shadows.
They weren’t big, they weren’t imposing, but they had the very specific energy of people who had made at least one truly terrible life choice that day.
One of them, a guy in an oversized hoodie that looked like it had never been washed, nodded toward them.
“Hey, you guys were the ones handing out free BBQ, right?”
Maluck grinned. “Yep, that was us.”
The BBQ Squad also smiled, expecting some gratitude—maybe a “thanks, man” or a “that was nice of you.”
Instead, Hoodie Guy crossed his arms.
“Yeah, well, we didn’t get no free BBQ. So… why don’t you buy us some?”
‘The hell?’
Maluck’s brain did a record scratch.
“Wait… what?”
Greg, still riding the high of charity, blinked. “Uh… yeah, sorry, man, we’re kinda out.”
Tanya frowned. “Did you not see the part where we were giving it away? It was free. You could’ve just walked up and taken some.”
Lucas rubbed his temples. “Oh my god, we’re about to get mugged over brisket, aren’t we?”
That’s when a System Task popped up in Maluck’s vision.
[System Task] HELL NO, BRO. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT HANDING OVER YOUR CASH TO SOME PUNKS
System bonus to be determined based on result.
This wasn’t Kindness’ work anymore. Wrath was in charge now. And he had no patience for nonsense. Maluck didn’t know this, and even if did, it wouldn’t change the situation.
Maluck exhaled slowly, rubbing his face.
“Alright, guys, listen, we’re not giving you any money.”
Hoodie Guy scoffed. “Oh yeah?”
One of the other dudes, who was somehow both skinnier and sketchier, pulled out what looked like a chipped kitchen knife.
“Nah, we’re serious. Hand over your wallets, and we’ll go buy our own damn barbecue. Or whatever else we want.”
The BBQ Squad immediately tensed.
Greg froze. “Oh shit.”
Tanya whispered. “What the hell? We literally just gave away food for free. How is this our reward?”
Lucas stared at the knife. “Bro, did you actually steal that from your mom’s kitchen? Because that thing looks like it’s been used to cut onions more than it’s been used to threaten people.”
Maluck sighed dramatically.
“Come on, man. You’re really pulling a knife over ribs? This is what you’re doing with your life?”
Hoodie Guy grinned. “Ain’t about the ribs, man. It’s about respect.”
“Respect?” Maluck repeated, deadpan. “You’re mugging boardgamers outside a soup kitchen. I don’t think ‘respect’ is a word you get to use here.”
Greg, still processing the insanity of the situation, whispered. “Dude, can we not antagonize them while they have a knife?”
Maluck ignored him.
Because these guys?
They weren’t exactly gang-affiliated bruisers.
They were four shaky, underfed guys with the collective muscle mass of a wet paper towel.
The only problem was the knife.
Even if it looked like it had spent the last decade cutting discount steaks, it was still a knife.
And Maluck?
He wasn’t about to get stabbed over brisket. But he also wasn’t handing over his wallet. So yeah.
Time to play this smart.
***
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
Maluck had been in bad situations before.
But never had a night gone from ‘feel-good charity event’ to ‘potential stabbing’ so damn fast.
The four twiggy-looking guys were not exactly SFB contenders, but one of them had a knife, and that changed things.
Even if the knife looked like it had been used more for cutting open cardboard than actual intimidation, it was still a knife.
Maluck’s brain went into overdrive.
He wasn’t a martial artist, wasn’t some action hero—but he had a few things on his stat sheet that were actually useful.
- Hand-to-Hand Combat: Good – Enough to know how not to die in a fight.
- Fitness Level: Above Average – Stronger than he looked, which was useful when people underestimated him.
- Improvisation: Excellent – Could MacGyver his way out of trouble.
And this?
This was definitely trouble.
***
Alright. Time to work smart. Maluck didn’t react right away. Instead, he raised his hands, looking calm. Not scared. Just… waiting.
Knife Guy grinned. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now, wallets—”
Maluck made his move.
Not with a kick.
Not with a punch.
With a bag of BBQ garbage.
Full force.
Right into the dude’s face.
See, when you feed an entire park full of hungry homeless people, they aren’t exactly cleaning up after themselves. Bones, empty sauce packets, and crumpled napkins were everywhere.
And because Maluck had actual manners, he had bagged everything up before they left.
Turns out? That decision just saved his ass.
SPLAT.
Sauce, grease, and sticky barbecue remnants EXPLODED across the guy’s face.
He stumbled back, gagging, cursing, wiping his face—waving the knife wildly, but now he had a new problem.
His vision? Full of BBQ sauce and shame.
Maluck didn’t waste the moment.
One quick step forward, and BAM—he grabbed the dude’s wrist, twisting it hard.
The knife clattered to the ground. Then he stepped forward aggressively, his face hard, as if to tell them, this wasn’t going to end well for them.
Greg, eyes wide, whispered, “Did you just… weaponize trash?”
“Damn right I did.”.
Lucas looked at the first guy, who was now wiping sauce off his face and looking PISSED.
“Yo, I think we broke him emotionally.”
The other three would be muggers hesitated, seeing their fearless leader get taken out by literal garbage.
Tanya whispered, “Okay, uh, what’s Plan B?”
Lucas held up a beer bottle. “I vote we run.”
Greg snorted. “You always vote to run.”
Maluck, ignoring their chatter, stepped forward, picking up the fallen knife.
Then he grinned.
“So, boys… what was the plan here? You wanted BBQ money? Because it looks like you just got BBQ trash instead.”
Sketchy Knife Guy gagged on sauce, looking completely thrown off.
One of his friends muttered, “Dude, just… let’s go.”
Sketchy Knife Guy wiped his shame filled face and said, “Screw this, man. Let’s go.”
And just like that—
They RAN. Like absolute cowards.
Lucas let out a relieved breath. “Okay, real talk—did you just defeat a mugger with a bag of trash?”
Maluck grinned. “I told you guys never underestimate the power of BBQ.”
Tanya shook her head. “I am never getting in a fight with you near a food court.”
Greg laughed. “At least we don’t have to deal with them anymore.”
Lucas looked at the kitchen knife and inspected it. “Yo, this thing really is trash. I wouldn’t even cut onions with this.”
[System Task Accomplished!]
+20 Luck Points
+0.02 Dexterity
+0.01 Perception
Improvisation Skill (Garbage Combat Unlocked)
**
Maluck pocketed the Luck Points, still grinning.
Lucas sighed. “Alright. Let’s get outta here before something even weirder happens.”
Tanya gave Maluck a look. “So… you just casually know how to fight with trash?”
“You gotta use what you’ve got.” Maluck smirked. “And what I had? Was sauce.”
The BBQ Squad rolled back into the restaurant parking lot, still buzzing from the absolute craziness that had just unfolded. It had been one hell of a night.
They had gone from a casual board game session to a BBQ feast to accidentally running a charity drive to getting mugged in the dumbest way possible.
And now?
Now they were just exhausted, covered in lingering BBQ smells, and really, really looking forward to sleeping in their own beds.
Greg leaned against his car, stretching. “So. Uh. I think that was the weirdest night of my life.”
Tanya snorted. “Same. I mean, I expected a fun dinner, maybe a round of Dicey Dungeons. Not… all of that.”
Lucas rubbed his face. “Bro, we literally fought off a mugging with garbage. What even is our life?”
Maluck grinned, still high on the adrenaline rush. “See? Board games bring people together.”
Lucas gave him a look. “Yeah, and ribs turn people into violent criminals, apparently.”
Tanya laughed, shaking her head. “Alright, boys. I’m out. I need sleep and possibly therapy.”
They all said their goodbyes, exchanged numbers, and promised to meet up again for another game night soon—preferably one without life-threatening experiences.
Greg pointed at Maluck before getting into his car. “Try not to get into any more fights over meat, alright?”
Maluck smirked. “No promises.”
With that, the BBQ Squad split up, each heading off into the night.
Maluck, however, wasn’t done. Far from it.Because he had unfinished business.
He looked at the time. It had to be past closing time, by now right?
Perfect. Time to go recharge his bracelet. He climbed into his car, grinning like a man on a mission. Tonight had been insane, ridiculous, and completely unexpected.
And now?
Now it was about to get even better.
***