One of them, though, was Bigfoot—and he was a big guy.
Which, again, was exactly why Maluck called him that.
Bigfoot swung a tire iron.
Maluck swung his chain.
The chain wrapped around the iron, coiling tight—and with a sharp yank, he ripped the weapon out of Bigfoot’s hand.
For a brief second, Bigfoot looked surprised.
But that surprised look didn’t last long.
Because the chain didn’t stop moving.
It continued its arc, coming right back around and—
WHAM!
—slamming its steely kiss into his surprised face.
Three teeth cracked.
His head snapped back. Now his face was more pi?ata than surprised.
But, to be fair, Sasquatch was tough.
He spit out the teeth and charged.
Tried to close the distance, get into hand-to-hand range.
Maluck danced back, snapping the chain forward again.
This time, just a quick flick—not a full attack, just enough to sting and stop his rush.
CRACK!
Bigfoot flinched.
Maluck stepped back again—then snapped the chain once more, this time low.
CRACK!
Right to the knee.
Not enough to break it—but definitely hurt,
The thing about fighting big guys like Sasquatch?
They could take a pounding.
But as long as you kept your endurance up and kept hitting them, they were just sandbags.
And when was the last time you heard about someone getting taken down by a sandbag swinging back and forth?
…Exactly.
The other guy tried to jump in and help, but in reality?
He was less helpful than if he had just stood still and cheered from the sidelines.
See, if two uncoordinated guys tried to fight a tactician like Maluck, all they really did was help him out.
Every time the second guy rushed in, Maluck would maneuver him right in front of Sasquatch, slowing Bigfoot down—and making sure neither of them could attack him properly.
And every single time that happened?
Another painful chain strike landed.
CRACK!
WHIP!
Rinse and repeat.
Bigfoot went down first.
But honestly? It was a photo finish.
Because the second guy—let’s just call him Littlefoot—hit the ground a second later.
One big thud, one slightly smaller thud—both out cold.
Now, once again, it was loot time.
Well… not quite.
There were still a couple of bikers hobbling around with busted ankles or pinned under rebar, groaning in pain.
Maluck could have let them go.
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
But that would be stupid.
Something some kind of wannabe hero would do.
And right on cue, a System Task popped up.
[System Task:] They’ve had enough. It’s time to show restraint and forgiveness.
Bonus: +0.02 Wisdom
Maluck looked at the task.
Then he looked at that juicy +0.02 Wisdom.
He actually considered it for a couple of seconds.
And then—
“Nope.”
He hit NO.
Yeah, he regretted missing out on those Wisdom points…
But he refused to be a bitch to the system.
What was funny was that right after he hit NO on the System task…
A new System Task popped up.
This one?
[System Task:] FUCK ‘EM UP. MAKE THEM REGRET IT.
Bonus: +0.02 Strength
This one?
Maluck automatically accepted and hit YES without hesitation.
‘Hell, if he was gonna mess them up anyway, and the System was actually encouraging it, why wouldn’t he take the deal?’
At this point, he was pretty sure the System was completely cuckoo for Koko Puffs—because these two tasks were the exact opposite of each other.
First, it was all “Show restraint and forgiveness.”
And now it was just “FUCK ‘EM UP.”
Absolutely no consistency.
But hey—he still got one of them. And that was good enough for him.
***
It didn’t take long to finish off these little wounded bunnies.
They were already down, already struggling—all Maluck had to do was make sure they regretted everything.
And just like that, the system dinged.
[System Task Complete!]
FUCK ‘EM UP. MAKE THEM REGRET IT.
Bonus: +0.02 Strength
EXTRA BONUS: For previous 8-1 fight and turning down “forgiveness and restraint” task
- .1 Int
- .1 End
Maluck grinned.
That was more like it.
***
POV : Astral Universe
In the Astral Universe, a whole bunch of Sins were high-fiving each other.
It was rare that they got to issue an opposing System task..
And it was even rarer when their champion chose them over the goody-goody Virtues.
Somewhere in a different part of the Astral Universe, Patience was sulking.
Meanwhile, Wrath, Lust, Gluttony and even Envy were celebrating like their team just won the championship.
“Hell yeah!” Wrath bellowed, slamming a large fist into Gluttony’s chubby palm.
“Did you see that?” Lust cackled. “He didn’t even hesitate! Patience got wrecked!”
Envy smirked. “And that’s why we picked Maluck as our shared champion.”
Because, at the end of the day?
He was one of them.
***
POV : Calgary
With all of them down for the count, it was time for the best part of his day.
More looting spawns.
And this time? There was even a fallen boss monster in the mix.
So, naturally, he looted Bigfoot first.
Among all the cash, trinkets, and general biker garbage he pulled out of their vest pockets and wallets, a few things made him smile in appreciation.
?$3020 and a couple of collector’s coins.
He had no idea how much they were worth, but he wasn’t about to waste time Skewesearching that.
- Three more bottles of good booze.
There would’ve been even more, but when the bikes tipped over? Yeah, some bottles had smashed.
?Drugs.
Yep. Straight into the ground.
?Weapons.
More tire irons and chains—which he really didn’t need more of.
But honestly? He was glad this fight happened in Canada and not the U.S.
If this had been America, these guys would’ve been packing heat.
Here? Guns were way harder to get, even for outlaw biker types.
Sure, they might’ve had a couple of shotguns strapped to their bikes sometimes, but not today.
Riding around with visible shotguns on a chopper was a surefire way to get pulled over immediately.
And with all the loot gathered?
It was time to celebrate.
Because not only did he get the loot…
Time was up.
[System Task Assigned: Mega Purity Challenge, COMPLETE!]
Task 1: Watch an Entire Documentary About Celibacy
?Objective: Sit through a full-length film about why people choose celibacy and reflect on its wisdom.
?Success Condition: Watch the whole thing and actually pay attention. +8 LP
Task 2: Read a Book That Promotes Virtue and Restraint
?Objective: Read at least 50 pages of a book that reinforces self-discipline and moral purity.
?Success Condition: Actually read it. +8 LP
Task 3: Avoid Alcohol, Caffeine, and Other ‘Earthly Indulgences’ for a Day
?Success Condition: Successfully survive a day. +15 LP
He celebrated! Pulling out the bottle of rum from his car he had a big swig, yeah he could have chosen one of the new bottles, but he had promised the rum first! Never leave your original date hanging. Even when 3 more beauties arrive.
He had a quick look at his stat sheet. Normally he only looked at it in the morning, but today? It seemed warranted.
STATS
Luck Level: 2 (0/200)
Unfortunate – Your toast lands butter-side down. On your last clean shirt.
Bad Luck Points (BP) 129
Luck points (LP) 43
Strength (Str): 1.10
Intelligence (Int): 1.28
Charisma (Cha): 1.02
Health (HP): 1.01
Dexterity (Dex): 1.03
Wisdom (Wis): 1.12
Constitution (Con): 1.02
Endurance (End): 1.18
Perception (Per): 1.14
Cash: $224,500 (Cash + Bank)
Roll of cash = $22,203
Visex bill = $12,075
1982 Penny $100,000 roughly
Unknown Bigfoot Coins ?
INVENTORY
Bad luck Bracelet
The Probability Charm – While wearing it, any event you want to happen gets a 10% boost in probability. Stacks with other Luck items. Every time you use your Probability Charm, your LP goes down—regardless of whether you win or lose.
The Luck Siphon Stone – When touched to someone, it sucks off their luck and adds it to your own. (Recharged)
The Appraiser’s Lens – A device that spots hidden value and potential in objects, investments… and even people. (Recharging)
The Lucky Watch – Time always seems to be on your side while wearing it. Never late, never too early.
Fortune Tuner (25 LP Per Use) : A strange, mechanical device designed to adjust luck, transforming bad luck into good luck.
One of the biggest gains Maluck loved from all this?
His Health was now over 1.00.
That meant he was officially above average—and now, none of his stats were below that baseline.
If things kept going like this…
Becoming a superhero wasn’t out of the picture.
But even more importantly?
He finally had enough Luck Points to use on the Fortune Tuner.
And with his Bad Luck Points stacking up dangerously high…
He wasn’t about to wait any longer.
He used 25 Luck Points to activate the Fortune Tuner.
Bad Luck Points (BP) 0
Luck points (LP) 82
‘Ahhhhhhhh! Sweeeeet! Zero BP!’
He might not have thought about it during the fight, but there were definitely a few times he had almost face planted while stepping on what seemed like normal ground.
Now it was time to go home, and let Chloe know about his day. Or at least as much as he could tell her, without revealing the System.