The truth about the car accident

  Lin Yue hung up, and I didn't think it was anything unusual. Maybe the phone ran out of battery or maybe he was too busy to be disturbed. This is the first time I've posted on my mobile phone: If Chunzi hadn't reminded me, I wouldn't have made this call. In fact, I rarely called Lin Yue; usually, he would call me.

  I put down my phone and said, "Maybe he's too busy."

  Junko nodded and continued to munch on potato chips with me.

  Unconsciously, another episode of the Korean drama has ended. I looked up to check the time and found that Chunzi had already yawned and indicated that she couldn't stay any longer. However, Lin Yue still hadn't arrived, and his phone was still turned off when I called him.

  Finally, I fell asleep in the sorrowful and resentful crying sound coming from the TV, unaware of myself. The next morning, I woke up again in the same crying sound, this time the heroine was still crying in the arms of the second male lead, but her crying sound was different from last time, with a bit more heartbreak than sorrow.

  The actor's acting is very good, and just looking at the tears makes people feel uncomfortable. The last time she cried was when she found out that the male lead had betrayed her, but this time it was because she discovered that the male lead hadn't actually betrayed her, but had terminal illness. The female lead knew about it when the male lead had already passed away, so she cried, feeling desperate and guilty.

  Terminal illness, car accident, siblings, these are the three essential elements of a Korean drama. I muttered to myself that it was so cheesy and melodramatic that it made me want to vomit. Sleeping on the floor for one night is really uncomfortable.

  Let's take another look at TV, it's already the ending song, the music is quite nice. Many people say that Korean dramas are cheesy, but while saying so, they also watch them, like me, what am I after? Passing time? Not really, probably I can find some resonance in those torturous plots, at least these three elements, I've personally experienced two of them already.

  Car accident, siblings.

  I thought about that terminal illness and shook my head hard, forget it.

  Indeed, my life is almost as melodramatic as a Korean drama, but I still hope the ending can be a grand reunion in Chinese style. I'd rather encounter a genuine scumbag than have him be a sickly lovesick person.

  Just like the male lead in this play who quietly braids his hair at the end, I don't sympathize with him at all, nor do I like him. Instead, I truly look down on him.

  I turned off the TV and went to Junko's room, intending to say goodbye before leaving. However, she was still asleep, her belly big, and when she lay on her side, a round and plump skin was exposed, but she took good care of it, so it looked quite interesting. I looked at it for a while, and my heart felt a bit stuffy. At that time, Xiaoxing was also pregnant, but her belly didn't have time to grow this big.

  Actually, after that thing last time, I recalled the situation when Xiaoxing had a car accident. I don't know if this counts as amnesia or not, but it feels strange - a living person was in an accident right in front of me, and yet four years later I still thought she was alive.

  I had a nightmare, but what happened in the dream was the opposite of what I really wanted.

  The day of the car accident was also the day I went to find Yu Tian to tell him that I was going abroad. At that time, Yu Tian's reaction was too calm, and I felt uncomfortable, so I wandered around outside alone. Then I ran into Xiao Xing, and I said let's talk. I wanted to confront her, but Xiao Xing seemed a bit afraid to look at me, she was probably feeling guilty.

  Later, Xiaoxing said exactly what I guessed, she had always known about my relationship with Yutian, but I wasn't intentionally hiding it from her. I didn't say anything because I was really just shy, after all, I was also in my first love back then, and even kissing Yutian made me blush for days.

  So Xiaoxing took advantage of this gap, I didn't say she said it, she directly told me that Yutian is her boyfriend.

  That month, she hinted to me many times, even letting me see her and Yu Tian kissing in front of me. I didn't believe it until Xiaoxing showed me the hospital report - she was pregnant.

  I couldn't help but believe it, could she have a child on her own?

  After talking to Xiaoxing, I ran away alone. At that time, it was raining heavily, the road was slippery, and the visibility in the car was not good either. The place we were at was a very narrow and old road, and the streetlights were dim and didn't work well. I ran for a few steps and fell to the ground, Xiaoxing was still chasing after me from behind, she might have been afraid that something would happen to me.

  The result was really an accident, a small car came from the front, and at that moment, I guess Xiaoxing and I thought the same thing, I was going to be hit to death, so she ran over to pull me. In fact, Xiaoxing didn't even manage to grab me, even if she did, it would have been too late to pull me up. When Xiaoxing ran over, the car coming from the opposite direction probably saw me too, but didn't expect another person to suddenly rush out onto the road, and the car swerved and hit Xiaoxing.

  It was true that at first I didn't think it was fatal, at least not like on TV where people get hit and fly out several meters. Xiaoxing lay on the ground but could still speak, she held my hand and said "I'm sorry".

  I was panicked, the people in the car were also panicked, I was stunned for half a day before I thought of knocking on the window. At that time, it wasn't to find trouble with the driver, but to think of a way to send Xiaoxing to the hospital. In such heavy rain, Xiaoxing and I had been running outside for so long, our phones were already water-damaged, we couldn't even call 120, and there was no one else on the street.

  The car ran away.

  Later, Xiaoxing was sent to the hospital, where she died from severe blood loss. She was indeed pregnant, and at 19 years old, two lives were lost.

  I held her and cried for a long time, I said that if she woke up, I would forgive her and bless her, but it was all useless. She splattered blood all over me. Later, Xiaoxing's family came, her mother slapped me, I lost my balance, hit my head on the corner of the table and fainted.

  The day after the incident, Si Datong returned to China and even found a psychologist for me. I don't know if it was because of the bump on my head, but when the police came to ask me questions, I couldn't say anything, I really didn't remember.

  It's not that I don't remember, it's just that the images in my mind are all of me pushing Xiaoxing towards the car. I don't know why I think this way, but I'm scared, so I pretend to forget and dare not say anything.

  That car accident drove me crazy, literally crazy. I still remember when I had depression, at its worst, I was taking handfuls of pills, if not for the fear of pain, I reckon I would have cut my wrists or jumped off a building. It's quite embarrassing to say, but one failed romance really made me feel like life was hopeless.

  The psychologist's advice at the time was to change my environment, and Si Datong also thought so. Although he had been abroad for a few years, he still had some connections in China, so I went abroad like that, and for convenience of treatment, I also brought that psychologist with me.

  When I first arrived in Japan, I attempted suicide again. At that time, I had already forgotten about the car accident. Maybe because I was actively trying to escape, I didn't want to live anymore. I really missed him and thought about him every day, calling him every day, but he always hung up on me without answering even once. I thought maybe he didn't know it was me, so I sent him a message. After a few days, his phone number was out of service. Junko and Google also said they couldn't contact him. I wondered if he really didn't want to see me? Thinking too much made me go drink, and after getting drunk, I ran to the nearby Tamagawa River and jumped in. Luckily, there are often joggers along the Tamagawa River, and I was rescued as soon as I jumped in.

  After that, my depression actually got better. Maybe it's really true that thinking you've died once and come back to life is a pretty valuable thing. Under the care of my psychologist and Sai Da Tong, I had a particularly healthy period, and slowly things that weren't allowed before were allowed again - I could go online! On the first day I was allowed to go online, I went to look at many people's blogs, but Yu Tian hadn't updated in ages.

  Xiao Xing's update, I really don't remember what the content was. All I remember is that at the time, I said to my dad, "Dad, I had a nightmare and thought something happened to her. As long as she's fine, it's good."

  About my misunderstanding that Little Star was still alive, they might have been afraid of stimulating me, so they went along with my idea and didn't tell the truth. And although I had four years of nightmares, except for telling a psychologist, I also didn't tell my mom or Sai Datong.

  Even now, I still don't understand whether I was pretending to be crazy or if I fabricated that dream for myself, just because I didn't want to admit the fact that Xiaoxing got into trouble in order to save me.

  At that time, we were all still young, so we would do many wrong things, but those mistakes didn't need to be paid with our lives. Now I really don't blame Xiaoxing at all, and even feel regretful and sad, she was once my best friend. But she's gone now, her child is also gone, that was Xiaoxing and Yutian's child.

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