Roof Garden
The one who disrupted my thoughts is Lin Yue.
His appearance may be unexpected, but thinking deeply about it, it's possible that it was premeditated.
Lin Yue walked up behind me, I turned around and unexpectedly saw him, then I pretended to be nonchalant and patted the seat next to me, indicating for him to sit down.
Obviously Lin Yue didn't love trouble as much as I did, he didn't respond and just moved a chair to sit next to me, handing over a tissue at the same time.
Are you here to enjoy the view? I thought randomly, but when I looked up, all I could see was a gray and hazy sky, a blurry world wrapped in layers that seemed almost suffocating.
I took a can of beer and handed it to Lin Yue after opening the pull ring, "Here."
He took it over, his head thrown back. I admired the way his Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed, he looked like a swamp, his eyes glinting with cold light.
And I folded the tissue into a small piece and rubbed it hard at the eye corners that had already dried out two tear marks, my throat was painfully sore in waves.
"You followed me up to the rooftop and walked over here, you're not worried that I'm thinking of jumping down, are you?"
No answer, I continue talking to myself.
"Let me tell you a secret, I'm a bit sad, I've been heartbroken for four years, no, it's been exactly four years since I got heartbroken, and recently getting confirmation seems to be even more painful."
I returned home to attend my good friend's wedding. That day I was a bridesmaid for the first time. I should have thought that I would see him at the wedding.
It's just that I didn't expect him to look at me with such a strange and tolerant gaze. I would rather he had some temper towards me, or we could still hate each other, but he didn't.
Later...
Maybe he's doing all right, I guess. But at that time, I was particularly unhappy, why? But thinking back, it should be like that, why should he remember me for four years, suffering and punishing myself as a ascetic monk for my sake?
I remember a sentence from your award-winning essay in high school: even the most beautiful things will rot with time.
It can also be ugly.
What I'm most heartbroken about is that until just now, I realized that I really put my heart into it. Heartless and ruthless. Just now was also the first time I've cried in years.
Is it very ugly?
Actually, these years I've been living are really bad. I don't have a boyfriend either. The photos I posted on Weibo were just of a male classmate who had a crush on me, but I never liked anyone else.
I still often have nightmares, dreaming of my best friend from the past, unfortunately you don't know her, her name is Xiao Xing. I miss her, and until now I still don't know if I should hate her or not.
But I hope she can live better than me.
Four years ago I was seriously ill and almost died, so I became afraid of death. I won't jump down.
I am still a young and promising youth, I will cheer up, and I must cheer up. I think you are too, just discovered.
Oh right, actually I didn't dislike you from the first time I saw you, it's just that I felt like you didn't love talking to me.
But you can't always be so closed off, really, I think you're living a bit too rigidly, it's tiring, and it makes me feel especially heartbroken. I've always thought of you as my older brother, Lin...
I turned around and suddenly couldn't speak, the space behind me was empty, several meters away, the old iron gate connecting the top floor staircase and rooftop had reduced its swing to a minimum.
Those few cans of beer that didn't have time to drink also disappeared without a trace.
Lin Yue has been gone for a while.
But he still took away the huge disappointment and despair I had just felt. Suddenly, a figure stretched by moonlight appeared in my mind, along with a transparent sigh. Perhaps whoever it was, what I needed was just someone who could quietly listen to me speak.
No matter who it is, no one can be me for a day.
It doesn't matter who it is if it isn't him.
