I could feel my surroundings swirl around me at nauseating speeds, but I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes. I kept them shut and clung to the hope that, when the world stopped spinning, I’d be home. Everything would be fine, and I’d be back in my reality, where I was safe. Nothing bad would happen there.

  A rush of sound assaulted my ears, the noise so loud, so deafening, that I couldn’t work out what I was hearing. It just sounded like static, and I couldn’t pick out anything specific. My face scrunched up as I clenched my eyes shut, knowing that I must look ridiculous, but I was just so scared of what I might see if I were to open my eyes.

  Would I be staring down at Phoebe’s dead body again? That was my first fear. I wasn’t sure where it had come from, but I knew it was possible. I’d seen her die once, and a sinister dizziness pulled at me, threatening to rip me away from whatever world I was in.

  That wasn’t the only risk, though. Phoebe’s corpse may not be the only thing I saw if I were to open my eyes, I told myself. Someone could be pointing a gun at me. After all, that had happened before too. I’d stared down the barrel of a gun more times than I could count, but I barely remember them. I couldn’t recall which versions of me had done that.

  But the noise wasn’t anything scary, I realised slowly. There was no one shouting at me, and I couldn’t hear the mechanical click of a hammer being pulled back. Instead, there was music. A low, off-key humming and a tapping that wasn’t quite in rhythm accompanied it, and that surprised me so much that I couldn’t help but open my eyes.

  It was my mom. I instantly recognised her, but doubt pulled at the back of my mind, prompting me to look closer. I couldn’t trust myself. Not anymore. There had been too many mistakes. I’d thought the woman beside me was my mom before, and I’d been wrong. There were small differences, minuscule ones that I hadn’t even noticed at first, and I couldn’t let it happen again. I needed to be sure that it was her.

  But I wasn’t. I couldn’t stare at her too closely. She’d notice and demand to know why I was looking at her, but I watched her out of the corner of my eye, trying to figure out what I was missing. There had to be something, but I couldn’t tell. I was almost certain she looked exactly like my real mom, the one from my reality. She seemed to be wearing the same clothes my mom had been wearing too, but…

  Uncertainty filled me, and I chewed on my lip. Surely, there was a way for me to know for sure whether I was in the right place, I told myself. Maybe if I checked the other worlds, the other dizzinesses, I’d be able to figure it out. If I found the one that felt like home, I’d know. It wouldn’t be able to hide from me, would it?

  I wasn’t sure, but I reached out nonetheless. The other worlds swarmed me, vying for my attention. Despite my fear of finding a new and somehow even more horrifying world, I felt temptation pull at me as I waded through the worlds, seeking out anything that felt familiar.

  There were too many. I’d been to too many different realities, and each wanted my attention once more. Mitch’s world began to drag me in. My mind seemed to be drawn to it like a moth to a light bulb, but I pulled myself away before it was too late, almost leaping into the Academy in my haste to get away. I swatted at that world too, pushing it aside as I continued searching, but I didn’t find the one I’d been looking for. I didn’t find my home, and that must have meant I was already there.

  Probably.

  I pulled myself away from the empty space in my mind where the other worlds resided and looked around the car again. Something about it still didn’t feel right. A worry, a paranoia, tugged at me, and I glanced down at the phone clutched in my hand, trying to work out if there was a way I could confirm it. Maybe if I Googled something, I could figure it out. There had to be something that would prove it.

  My movement must have caught my mom’s eye because she fell silent and glanced at me. I saw her eyebrow rise out of the corner of my eye, and her lips pursed. The expression was so familiar that a smile appeared on my face before I could stop it. She’d looked at me that exact way often, and it pushed some of my doubts aside.

  Confusion flitted across Mom’s face as she turned away from the road to eye me suspiciously, and I forced the smile from my face. I’d never normally be so happy to see her, I realised. Especially not when we’d already been in the car together for so long. No wonder she was looking at me like that.

  “Good morning,” she said sharply. “Did you have a nice nap?”

  There was a dangerous edge to her tone. She was on the cusp of becoming angry at me, and I could feel it. The air within the car felt volatile, and I needed to respond carefully to avoid an argument.

  “Yes, thank you,” I lied. “Was I asleep for long?”

  That felt like an innocent enough question. I didn’t end the conversation, which sometimes irritated her more, but I also hadn’t said anything she could pick fault with. I didn’t think I had, anyway.

  “Yes,” she said, looking away from me dismissively.

  I was pretty sure that was a lie, though. I hadn’t checked the time before I went into the other world, but it didn’t feel like it had been particularly long, and the scenery outside the windows hadn’t changed too much. We couldn’t have left Scotland yet, which meant I couldn’t have been asleep or in the other world or wherever I was for more than an hour or so.

  “Sorry,” I replied.

  “It’s very rude, you know?” she told me, a sneer twisting her lips. “To sleep when you’re a passenger. I thought I’d raised you to be more considerate than that.”

  I knew that I should have felt guilt or remorse, but I didn’t. Despite her tone, all I felt was relief. She always fell asleep when Dad was driving, and she never apologised to him for it. It didn’t seem to bother her at all when she was the one who was sleeping, but she’d told me off for it before, and that was strangely reassuring to me. It helped convince me I was truly home.

  My eyes flitted around the car, scanning the interior. Everything about it looked as it should. There were two coffee cups in the cup holders, both half full. That was normal. The random collection of coins and a pen lid shoved into the space behind them was too. It appeared to be the car from our reality, but there was still something pulling at me that told me I couldn’t quite trust it.

  I glanced out the window, my gaze seeking out the other cars. In the other world, the weird one where I’d looped, they were all the same. There were only two or three different styles of vehicles. My memories of that place were strange. They had a hazy, distant feel to them, as if they’d happened long ago, but I could just about recall them. I remembered more than I did whilst I was there, which seemed wrong, but I didn’t want to think about it for too long.

  An exhale slipped from my lips as I watched the other cars overtaking us. There wasn’t too much variation in colours, but there was enough. It was more than the handful from that world, and it felt normal. I was pretty sure it did, anyway.

  “Sorry,” I said again, knowing that my mom was waiting to hear it.

  She huffed, making her irritation known.

  “Did you not sleep well last night?” she demanded.

  “Uhh, no. I slept okay.”

  I wasn’t sure if that was a lie. I think I slept okay. It had been hard to fall asleep. I’d spent hours trying to drift off, but that was fairly normal for me. Sleep had never come particularly easily, and it wasn’t too bad. I was pretty sure I’d fallen asleep before it had gotten too light out, at least.

  Or… maybe I hadn’t. I’d gone to another world. I’d found myself in another reality, one where I was pretty sure the sun was dying, before tearing myself away from it and being tortured by Anya. Did that count as sleep? I wasn’t even sure. It didn’t feel particularly restful.

  Mom huffed loudly again, clearly not believing me.

  “Did you spend all night on your phone again?” she asked. “I thought I told you not to. It’s bad for you.”

  “No!”

  The way she said it made it sound like I frequently spent the entire night on my phone, and that rarely happened. Granted, I did sometimes get distracted by scrolling through social media or texting Phoebe or Duncan, but Mom had never caught me. I always heard her coming and hid my phone, and I’d had years of practice of pretending to be asleep. I always fooled her.

  Mom sent me a warning glance, and anxiety leapt in my chest. I’d answered too sharply. I had to be more careful with my tone. Otherwise, she’d explode.

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  “It will rot your brain,” she told me. “And your diet probably isn’t helping. You eat far too much sugar and not enough vegetables. I mean, when was the last time you even ate a carrot, for God’s sake.”

  Last night, but I couldn’t exactly say that to her. Not when I could tell she was already annoyed by how I’d spoken to her. She’d probably tell me I was wrong or say I was accusing her of lying, and that wouldn’t go well. The rest of the journey would be unbearable.

  “Mmm,” I responded noncommittally, making sure not to sound too argumentative.

  “Actually, it’s those drinks you’re always having. They’re full of sugar.”

  I glanced at her.

  “Which drinks?” I couldn’t help but ask.

  “All that Coke or Pepsi or whatever it is you drink,” she said with a wave of her hand.

  Confusion washed over me.

  “I don’t drink them that often,” I said. “And I normally have Diet Coke. That doesn’t have sugar.”

  The look she gave me was disgusted, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was talking back to her or because of the drink. She drank Coke sometimes, though. She’d never really had a problem with it before, and I wasn’t sure why she’d suddenly decided she did.

  “That’s worse,” she snorted. “Do you know how many chemicals diet soda has in it? It’s full of them! And the things they do to your brain!”

  I looked away from her as she continued ranting, gesturing wildly as she did. It was easy enough to tune her out. I was used to doing that whenever she started talking like that. She didn’t really need me to listen. I was pretty sure she was just talking to fill the silence, not because she wanted to tell me anything.

  My eyes found the trees lining the road, and my stomach clenched. I tore my gaze away from them, unable to look at them for any longer. A memory forced its way into my head; I watched as the forest around me liquefied, the colours mingling as they drained away.

  A shudder slipped down my spine as dizziness threatened to pounce, dragging me back to that world. I wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t go back. It had been hard enough to leave the loop in the first place, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it again.

  It had taken me a couple of attempts, I recalled. When I’d noticed that people were all dressed the same and that something was wrong with the world, I’d tried to flee, and it hadn’t let me. I’d been trapped there, and I couldn’t try again. Not straight away, anyway. I hadn’t even tried. I’d been too distracted by everything that was happening there, and it wasn’t until the loop restarted that I’d been able to do it.

  Maybe I only had one chance. Perhaps the rules were different in that world for some reason. I could only exit and enter during the first part, before the people found me. After that, I was trapped there until everything restarted again, so if I went back, I’d need to relive it. I’d be chased through the forest again by a terrifying army of…

  Whoever they were. I still wasn’t sure, but the wave of fear that slammed into me was so strong that I felt myself slap the world away. It seemed to scurry into the shadows of my mind, retreating before I could hit it again, and guilt pulled at me, but I tried to ignore it. It was a world. I shouldn’t have felt guilty about not wanting to go there or pushing it away, but I still did.

  My eyes were fixed on the inside of the car door. My gaze traced the scratch on the faux leather panel, wondering how it happened. It had been there for as long as I could remember, but something must have caused it. The car had been new when my mom got it, so it should have been spotless. Maybe the buckle on my bag had gotten caught on it at some point. That could have done it?

  Boredom and restlessness strained within me, and I tried to remain focused on the small gouge on the door, but it was impossible. My eyes flicked towards the forest again, glancing at it for just a moment before I had to look away again, my heart pounding.

  It was ridiculous. I was being stupid, and I knew it, but I was terrified that I’d see something in the trees. Either that, or I’d be dragged back to the other world. I’d be forced to watch as the trees melted and my world began to spin, and then I’d be there. Trapped.

  But it was childish to be scared of looking at some trees, I told myself as my frustration grew. I’d been to so many terrifying places, but I was in the real world. I was almost certain I was, and there wasn’t anything or anyone waiting for me in the forest there, so I could stare into the forest for as long as I wanted, and the only thing I’d see was the occasional wildlife.

  I didn’t quite believe myself, but something compelled me to look up once more. It felt like I had to do it. Like if I didn’t, I’d be failing something or letting myself down, and I didn’t want to do that. Not again. I was used to disappointing myself. It seemed like I did it often, but I hated it. I wanted to be better.

  My eyes found the trees once more, and I exhaled slowly as I stared at them, counting silently. Ten seconds. That was all I had to do. If I could look into the forest for ten seconds without freaking out, I’d be fine. I’d prove to myself that I was strong enough to do it. I could resist my fear, and everything would be fine.

  Something flickered in the darkness as I reached two. My heart leapt into my throat, and my head snapped around. I didn’t even care about my mom seeing me. I was too terrified of whatever it was that I’d seen, and luckily, she’d either not noticed or had decided to ignore me.

  What was that? Had they followed me to my world? That was my first thought. The people from that looping world, whoever they were, had found a way to get to my reality. They were there, and they were going to hunt me down and kill me.

  They’d done it before. I’d faced them in more than one world, and I was almost certain they’d killed me in every single one where I’d encountered them, which meant it would happen again. My reality was the next life of mine that they’d snuff out, and then what? What would happen to me? Would I just be gone?

  Stop, I tried to tell myself. That wasn’t possible. They weren’t following me through different worlds. It was just a coincidence. There were so many different worlds, countless ones. I’d just been unlucky enough to find myself in the ones where the group existed, and in all of them, I’d done something to garner their attention. I’d been a superhero or whatever I was in that looping world. No wonder they wanted to kill me, but I hadn’t done anything in my reality to warrant it, so I was fine.

  Whatever I’d seen in the forest must have been something else, or perhaps my eyes were just playing tricks on me. I could have seen a shadow or something, and I’d immediately assumed the worst, but that wasn’t likely. I knew that.

  I took a deep breath, trying to get my breathing back under control and gather the courage to look at the trees again. I didn’t want to. I longed to spend the entire journey staring at the dashboard and not even risk glancing out the window, but I refused to let myself. I had to do it.

  There was nothing there, I told myself as I glanced at the trees again, but goosebumps were slowly creeping along my arms. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end, and my grip tightened on my phone as I scanned the trees again.

  Someone was watching me. I could feel it. Someone or something was watching me, but I couldn’t see anything. I couldn’t see anyone around me apart from my mom, and her eyes were on the road. She’d started humming again, her fingers tapping against the steering wheel, so it couldn’t have been her. There had to be someone else.

  Movement flashed at the corner of my eye, and my gaze flicked towards the side of the road again. My breath caught in my throat, and I stared at the dark shadow moving between the trees, unable to look away. It was huge, whatever it was. It darted between the tree trunks, easily keeping pace with the car, and I felt hopelessness wash over me.

  I must have been wrong, I realised as I reached towards the dizzinesses again. I missed something, missed my reality. I probably mixed it up with another one, one that felt similar. That made sense. The place I was in was so familiar, so close to my world. There must have just been one small change that caused the monster that was running alongside our car to exist.

  But I couldn’t feel it. I searched desperately through the other worlds, and I couldn’t find any that felt like home. I’d lost it. It had been torn away from me, ripped out of reach, and I was trapped. I’d never go home again. Instead, I’d just be cursed to wander through the other worlds forever, searching for one I could never return to.

  Or, I thought as I squeezed my phone case so tightly it cut into my palm, I was already there. Maybe I was in my world, and the thing I was looking at was nothing more than… a bear. There weren’t any bears in Scotland or the rest of the United Kingdom. I was pretty sure of that, but it could have escaped a zoo, or someone might have been keeping it as a pet and set it loose. That happened sometimes. Phoebe had made me watch a documentary about people who kept wild animals as pets.

  A shuddering breath escaped my lips, and I blinked, glancing at the shadow once more. I could barely see it. Whenever I stared directly at it, it seemed to disappear from view, but it stayed if I looked at it from the corner of my eyes.

  It wasn’t a bear, I realised as I watched it. The way it moved seemed… wrong. I was pretty sure bears had more lumbering steps, and it didn’t. It was too smooth. It looked more like a dog but much bigger. Like a wolf.

  There weren’t any of those in this country either, though. I was pretty sure, anyway. We’d been told something about people who were rallying to reintroduce wolves to the Scottish highlands in Biology, but I was almost certain that hadn’t happened, and we were far from the highlands.

  It was just a dog, I decided, ignoring how fast it must have been moving. Someone’s dog had broken loose, and it was running through the woods. There were farms around where we were, so it was probably some farmers’ dog. That was why it was so big, and I had no reason to be scared of it.

  I dropped my head back against the headrest. It was the other worlds. They were making me paranoid, and I shouldn’t have been surprised by that. I had been to too many where I was hunted or murdered or taught that there were spies everywhere, so I shouldn’t trust anyone. It was only normal to feel a bit on edge and suspicious of things after that. It would have been weirder not to feel that way, but I had no need to worry too much.

  In my reality, I was a completely normal person. Well… maybe that wasn’t entirely true. I wouldn’t exactly classify myself as normal. I didn’t feel it. I’d always felt just a bit… off. Like I didn’t quite fit in with other people. Phoebe and Duncan were the only two people I could actually be myself around most of the time, but for everyone else, it felt like I had to pretend. I had to be careful, to hide my real personality and instead just mimic theirs so they wouldn’t know there was anything wrong with me.

  But that didn’t count. It wasn’t exactly something that would arouse suspicion. It wouldn’t make the government or any shady organisations interested in me. I’d just go through life utterly ignored and unseen by most, and that was a good thing. It was what I wanted.

  My eyes fluttered shut again, and I inhaled slowly, feeling my heartbeat begin to slow. Everything was normal and fine, I told myself. Soon, I’d be home, and things would get easier again. I wouldn’t be around my mom so often. My date with Duncan was coming up fast, and Phoebe would be back from France soon. I’d be able to go to hers for sleepovers, and that would mean I’d be less lonely. I wouldn’t feel the need to disappear into other worlds just because—

  “Grace!”