Standing outside Maleck’s study, I leaned against the door, my trusty sword [Slayer] by my side. Yes, I named my sword; what's wrong with that? A name gives it character, and besides, [Slayer] is aptly named for its impressive size—it looks like it could cleave a giant in two. It’s heavy enough that I need both hands to wield it, but it’s worth the effort. If only it weren't so dull and rusted; I’m convinced my new partner has seen better days. One day, I’ll restore [Slayer] to its former glory—or at least try to without losing a finger in the process.
As I admired [Slayer], I peered down the narrow tunnel of the cave, barely wide enough for a pair of shoulder-widths. My gaze fell on some glowing mushrooms sprouting at the bend—the only hint of charm in this dank dungeon. Yes, I’ve been graced with a "room" by my master. Lucky me! And let’s not forget the bucket beside me for... well, let’s just say it’s for “business.”
With my glorious living space came a delightful set of rules—an exhaustive list that felt like it was written by a deranged librarian. I’m not allowed to hunt for food whenever I please, I can’t let anyone into the study except Maleck himself, and the pièce de résistance: a strict schedule for when I can relieve myself.
You might wonder how I manage to go about my business while encased in a layer of black metal armor that clings to me like an angry ex. It’s simple: I just go. How it works is still a mystery, but this magical armor, crafted by Maleck, seems to accommodate my needs, though it was a painfully excruciating process to don it. Oh, how I long for the day I can wrap my hands around that old wizard's scrawny neck!
Today, like many days before, I was waiting—waiting for the precise moment I could reveal myself and lure my arch-nemesis here.
Finally, the moment arrived. After an agonizing wait, I saw something moving at the end of the tunnel, feasting on my bucket. With a wild yell, I took [Slayer] in hand and dashed toward the slow-moving blob. With a dramatic flourish, I swung [Slayer] and sliced at the creature. Again and again... and again... and—yes, you guessed it—again.
This little blob was tougher than it looked. Identifying its gender felt impossible; I couldn’t even call it "it." This gelatinous, blue menace was known as Blue, the “cave maid,” as Maleck so delicately put it. Blue eats anything—literally anything! This gooey creature devoured my bucket, leaving me with nothing but a sense of betrayal.
Why did I want to slay Blue? No reason, really. I just found it oddly satisfying to take out my frustrations on this hapless slime. Besides, each swing improved my, uh, rather clumsy swordsmanship.
After a solid hour of hacking away, Blue finally finished its meal and spat out the intact bucket—thank the runes for that! My magical bucket of feces was indigestible to the little monster. With Blue slinking away, I returned to my post, leaning against the door, ready to wait some more.
And so my days blurred into a monotonous cycle of hunting bugs and dodging green berries, which I learned the hard way to never eat again. Days melted into months—I had lost track of time down here in the cave. I could navigate the tunnels well enough but hadn’t yet found an exit, which was, frankly, starting to bore me.
Until one fateful day.
That day, I heard a raucous explosion from within the study, followed by a horrifying roar.
"ARRRRAAAHHHH!"
Curiosity piqued. It didn’t sound like Maleck was involved, and my suspicions were confirmed when he hollered my name.
“KEEPER! GET IN HERE!”
Panic dripped from his voice. My body sprang into action, darting into the study.
The scene that met my eyes was nothing short of chaotic—bookshelves overturned, tables in disarray, and in the back, a grotesque amalgamation of body parts connected in ways that defied physics. And to my dismay, every piece seemed to belong to a woman. Talk about an unwanted reality show. My master isn’t just wicked; he’s downright perverted! How did I know its gender? I had no clue what fanservice was, but it looked like it had just stumbled off a badly drawn comic.
“ATTACK IT!” Maleck commanded.
His blue magical shield, which once blocked my stray arrows, was now being battered by the many limbs of this abomination, leaving cracks like a shattered window. Oh, how I wished I could just sit back and watch this old fool die. But alas, my body ignored my wishes and lunged at the monstrosity, slicing at its limbs while purple blood sprayed everywhere like a twisted water park ride.
The creature’s attention shifted to me. I deftly dodged its attack, only to be knocked back against the cave wall. I braced for pain, but to my shock, nothing happened! This was the first time I was genuinely grateful for the tar-black magic armor that Maleck had foisted upon me.
Bouncing back up, I was ready for round two, brimming with excitement. But just as I was about to charge, Maleck yelled, “Move away!”
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With perfect timing, he unleashed a spell. Nothing happened to the monster, though. Instead, it turned back to Maleck, poised to attack, but one of its arms simply fell off. Wounds erupted across its body, spewing more purple blood than I thought possible, until—BOOM! It burst into a gory explosion.
Forget that I was ever grateful to that old pervert! He’d ruined my fun, and I was now a sticky mess, drenched in the creature’s remnants. Maleck stood unscathed behind his magic shield, looking like a toad in a pond of blood.
“What a mess,” he muttered.
'Oh? You don’t say…'
The room, once a semblance of order, was now a gruesome disaster zone. I couldn’t even see [Slayer] beneath the piles of gory goo!
“Help me find the stone!” Maleck shouted.
“The stone?” I echoed, glancing around at the chaotic wreckage, overwhelmed by the sheer volume of debris.
“No, no, no! Not a regular stone! The philosopher's stone! It's what that thing dropped!” Maleck fumed.
Surrounded by what looked like a murder scene, I doubted I could find anything amidst the carnage. But then something caught my eye. Not an unconscious body, nor anything particularly outstanding in this mess—just a faint glow amidst the purple gore.
I bent down and wiped the gory remains off what turned out to be a gem—an unrefined ruby that pulsed with a faint, pure red light. Whispers drifted from it, a cacophony of voices seducing my mind, each one an echo of the damned. Oddly, it felt like part of me—or I was part of it.
Maleck is not going to have this!
Without a moment's hesitation, I did the only thing that made sense. I devoured it. Heat surged through me as it dissolved in my stomach. While I stood there, utterly useless, Maleck caught sight of me, frustration radiating off him in waves.
“You damn useless guardian! If you’re not going to help, then get out!”
As commanded, I slipped back outside the door, chuckling at the chaos unfolding within. Maleck’s incantations and curses echoed behind me as I settled down, a smug grin stretching across my face.
And with that, I drifted off to sleep, the sweet sound of Maleck’s rage lulling me into slumber.
Voice of the World... Initiating.
...Active!
Devourer of 1,000 Souls
By devouring the impure philosopher's stone imbued with 1,000 souls, you have gained the title "Devourer of 1,000 Souls." This title will contribute to your strength.
Currently Devouring:
- Impure Philosopher Stone
- 1,000 damned souls residing within a gem.
Time until devouring completion: 20 cycles.
Not long after, I woke up—surprisingly surprised—when Maleck emerged from the door for the first time in ages.
“I will leave for a while to resupply. Stay alert, and let no one, under any circumstances, enter my study! Kill them on sight if necessary.”
Well, that was an order I could get behind! Too bad it seemed unlikely I'd have any opportunity to execute it. I gave him a solemn nod as he departed, leaving me truly alone once more.
Days passed in silence, marked only by my routines of hunting, eating, and sparring with Blue the slime. I’d almost started to miss Maleck—if only to wring his neck—when one day, he came strolling back with several floating boxes.
Just before he entered the study, I noticed a small shadow trailing behind him—a creature barely a third of Maleck’s height. As they drew closer, I squinted to get a better look. It was a skinny, humanoid figure, with little muscle to show for itself.
As they drew closer, I got a proper look: it was a skinny little humanoid creature, lacking any semblance of muscle. Just a rag hanging over its… well, it was less of an observation and more of an accident. Its jade-green skin glistened in the dim light, and its pointed ears twitched like they were catching some invisible wind. A big nose jutted out, and its bug-eyed gaze darted nervously about, clearly weighing its chances of survival.
I locked eyes with the little creature. It stared back, wide-eyed and bewildered, then scuttled after Maleck like a frightened rat seeking refuge.
The moment it crossed the threshold into the study, my orders kicked in. I drew [Slayer], my trusty sword, and swung it down in a dramatic arc, aiming to cleave the intruder in half.
To my surprise, the little humanoid dodged with surprising agility, diving into the study as if it were a professional athlete escaping a tackle. I followed, driven by a bloodlust that would make a butcher proud. My eyes glowed red with murderous glee, and I raised my sword again, ready to finish the job when—
“STOP! You are not allowed to hurt MY goblin!” Maleck bellowed, cutting through my excitement like a blundering knight trampling a field of daisies.
No fun! With that, I halted mid-swing, seething with frustration. The so-called goblin had escaped a most delicious fate!
“Now leave and don’t enter here again!” Maleck ordered, dismissing me with a wave that felt like a slap in the face.
I took a final look at the creature, who was now trembling uncontrollably, tears brimming in its bug-eyed gaze. It lay sprawled on the floor, half in a puddle of its own fear, which made it look rather pathetic. Upon closer inspection, I noticed a leather collar snug around its neck. A collar! My, my, what a delightful twist to this little horror show.
Any remaining joy I’d felt at the prospect of tormenting this weakling evaporated, leaving only a smirk as I retreated from the scene.
The goblin was clearly Maleck's new pet or, more likely, a test subject for whatever twisted experiments filled the wizard's mind. I couldn’t be bothered with it. Instead, I settled back into my spot outside the door, letting the thought of the miserable little creature fade away as I drifted off into a much-deserved nap.
I leaned against the door, surrendering to sleep, where nightmares of more formidable foes danced through my mind.