Left ear (45)

  Section 45 of the main text: Left ear (45), goodbye, perhaps never see again.

  My stubborn pursuit in my heart can only be seen by myself. But I hope I'm not wrong. I absolutely cannot be like Ba La, making mistake after mistake.

  4

  School has started, and Dad and Mom took me to Shanghai together for registration.

  After finishing the formalities, my family of three had a meal at a simple restaurant near the school. As we were eating, my mother's tears fell down, and my father quickly handed her a tissue: "Don't worry, our Li Ruo will definitely take good care of herself." While saying this, he winked at me.

  "It's okay, mom." I held her hand and said, "Don't worry, I'll call you every day."

  She sobbed: "You child, have been sick and suffered a lot since childhood, and never left me, how can I be at ease!"

  "Okay, mom," I said in a low voice, "there are students from our school here, it's embarrassing if people see us."

  "Don't cry." My dad comforted her, "Tonight I'll take you to Xintiandi!"

  "I want to take my daughter to a big hospital in Shanghai for a re-examination of her ears," Mom said suddenly, "Shanghai has many cars and chaotic traffic, what if something happens to her ears..."

  "Mom!" I interrupted her, "I'm fine, don't worry about me. When I cross the road, I make sure to look at the traffic lights carefully, isn't that enough?"

  "You absolutely cannot walk and listen to MP3 at the same time!"

  "Uh-huh."

  "It's best to go to the cafeteria early in school and eat, cold food is bad for the stomach."

  "Got it."

  "It's not as good outside as it is at home, and you need to have skills when interacting with people. Just let things go if you can, don't argue with others." She was really nagging nonstop. At that moment, I truly admired my dad for being able to tolerate her for so many years.

  "Yes." I replied obediently.

  "My daughter at home is the one I know best," said my dad. "There's no one more obedient than her, what are you worried about?"

  "What's the use of being obedient, there are many bad people outside." My mom's thoughts are getting more and more crooked. I exchanged a smile with my dad, and we both tacitly continued eating.

  Sometimes I think, just like my parents love me, I really love my parents too. But the truth is, they can't see what's in my heart. It's hard for me to imagine how they would react if they saw me smoking on the balcony or being hugged by another boy - maybe my mom would even faint. Just this one thing makes me deeply believe in a saying: A person's heart is as deep as the ocean.

  Who knows who is thinking what, and who will be whose savior.

  I knew this from the start, but I still irremediably insisted on my own persistence.

  After the training session ended, it just so happened to be a weekend. I bought a Shanghai map and studied it for half a day, changed into a new skirt, took the subway for a long time, and walked for a long time before finally finding that school. The school's sign looked somewhat old-fashioned and not as elegant as I had imagined. I asked around at the guard room and grabbed a few students to ask again, and eventually found the place I was looking for. Underneath the boys' dormitory building, I saw a list with the names of people in each dorm room. The list was already torn, and I ran my finger over it until it stopped on those two familiar characters, at which point my heart felt a surge of overwhelming sorrow.

  He lives in 302.

  It was an old building with a wooden staircase, creaking with every step, giving me the illusion that I might fall through at any moment. I walked up step by step, saying to myself in my heart: "Xu Yi, I'm here."

  I knocked on the door and it was opened by a boy with a flat head who looked silly.

  "Who is it?" he asked cautiously, looking at me.

  "Xu Yi," I said, "Is he in?"

  "Not here." He was going to close the door.

  I held up my hand: "Please tell me where I can find him?"

  "Give him a call."

  "Tell me the number."

  "I don't have it," he said.

  "Please," I said, "I really have an urgent matter to see him."

  He held a thick book, looked me up and down for a while, then told me: "You go out of the school gate, turn left, walk for ten minutes, there is a bar, he should be working there on weekends."

  I thanked him and came out. In September, Shanghai was sunny with a few clouds. For 365 days, from the day I knew he came to Shanghai for school, I walked this road for 365 days. I remembered the moment he carried a big backpack out of campus, I thought about those hard days and nights in the classroom, holding onto an ideal in his heart that he didn't dare speak out loud. Now, I finally get to see him, but I'm not as flustered as I imagined before, it's like going to meet an old friend, like he has been waiting for me here for many years.

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