The 41st Section of the Left Ear (41)

  "Yan Er," he said. "Now that things have come to this, there are some things I must tell you. Actually, she isn't your biological mother; she's the biological mother of Xu Ye. So, her decision to go back then was the right one."

  I stared at him in astonishment, but I knew clearly that he wasn't lying.

  "Listen to me," he said, sitting down on the old sofa that had sunk in a big chunk, and slowly began to tell me: "Many years ago, your mother was a famous beauty here, and many men pursued her or admired her. I was one of them, but she only liked Xu Ruiyang. The Xu family was very rich, but he had a very fierce mother. So at first, their relationship was secret, and no one knew about it until the day she became pregnant with his child, that is, Xu Yi. This matter could no longer be hidden. When Xu Ruiyang's mother found out, she was furious, first ordering them to break up, and secondly insisting that she have an abortion. Xu Ruiyang eventually gave in and proposed breaking up with her, ending the relationship. Your mother was heartbroken, but she still deeply loved Xu Ruiyang and refused to go to the hospital for an abortion. To keep the child in her belly, on a rainy night, she came to my house, knelt down in front of me, and asked me to marry her."

  I said: "Will you promise?"

  "Yes," he said, "I liked her for many years, this is my only chance, of course I won't give up. But we never thought that after the child was born, the Xu family would come to take him away. They said it was their own child and couldn't be left outside. They left 10,000 yuan and took the child away. Your grandmother, my mother, felt this matter was very shameful, so she went to the orphanage to bring you back, raising you as our own child. This whole thing was handled by your grandmother alone, not even our family members knew about it."

  "But you've endured so much for her and suffered so much, yet the Xu family's people have hurt her so badly. Why does she still want to choose that Xu guy?"

  "It's probably fate." He sighed, "When you were two years old, Xu Ruiyang's mother passed away. Xu Ruiyang hoped she could return, and she also missed Xu Yi, so she made that choice. All these years, I know you hate her, but now she's like this, can't live much longer... Fan'er, I hope you can go see her, she has always been thinking of you. Actually, all these years, my body hasn't been well, couldn't work, and she secretly helped our father-son duo a lot. Knowing you have a good future, she's equally happy in her heart..."

  I trembled with voice and asked: "Then who are my biological parents?"

  He said: "I don't know, actually after your grandma passed away, I tried to find your dad and mom for you, but that welfare institution was gone, nowhere to be found. Ruan Er, you can blame me, I know, my whole life has been useless, no good job, not making much money, I've always made you suffer, made all of you suffer, but the love in my heart for you is real, I dare guarantee it, all true..."

  "Shut up!" I bellowed at him.

  He looked at me sorrowfully, his eyes full of bloodshot red threads.

  I tried to get up, put on my coat, carry my bag and leave. But I seemed to be stuck to the chair by something, unable to stand up.

  The clock struck twelve. Outside, the deafening sound of firecrackers erupted. The fireworks illuminated the entire city, illuminating my nineteen-year-old self who thought I was invincible but was actually ignorant and confused.

  In any case, the new year has arrived.

  Yi I

  I often ponder our youth, it's a strange and peculiar thing, with a short body that has a long tail trailing behind, like wings fluttering about, reluctant to leave.

  A lamp is still lit, but a song has already ended, a play hasn't finished yet, and a love has reached its end...

  We, curtain call.

  And the new curtain is about to be lifted.

  That's life, ending and starting again... No matter what, we'll all carry our own disasters and happiness, moving forward, never looking back.

  Excerpt from Mu Ziy's blog "Left Ear Said I Love You"

  1

  The college entrance examination has finally ended.

  Throughout the long summer vacation, I buried myself in it. Every other day, I went to the library and brought back a large pile of books. At that time, I liked to read foreign books, one after another, couldn't remember the names, sometimes crying with the protagonist, sometimes finishing without any feeling, but still continuing to read the next one.

  I'm just waiting patiently in this endless state for my admission letter, waiting patiently for the summer vacation to pass.

  Sometimes, I'll go online and scribble a few sentences on my blog, or chat with You on QQ, or receive Zhang Yang's letters. I heard that Zhang Yang went to Yunnan, but I don't know if he had fun or not. His contact with me is actually very rare, occasionally there will be a letter coming, only a few short sentences, nothing new.

  Sometimes when I sit by the window reading books, I'll suddenly think of the moment he hugged me that night. That night, I was like a different person, bold and reckless, not caring about life or death.

  I ponder my attachment to him, it's probably the same, unfortunately, she gave her life for it, unwilling to come back.

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