"NO!" Greg shouted angrily, pacing the floor in the cargo hold

  "You said it was my choice and responsibility to pick." Izzy argued.

  "No, no no, bullshit." he repeated. "You had a list. 4 choices to pick from. Why the hell did you go off-list?" he said looking genuinely freaked out.

  "I didn’t, she was on the list, look." Izzy said holding out the tablet.

  "That doesn’t make sense, there is no way she was on the list. Why would she be on the list?" he said, pulling his hair.

  "I don’t even know who she is, I just picked randomly based on names. Why is she so horrible?" Izzy asked.

  "Well for one she's my ex wife. She's a demon." he explained.

  "She's not a demon, she's Osirian. You're being dramatic." she assured.

  "Really? I'm being dramatic. Izzy she's literally a demon. Human mythos of demons and soul-sucking superstition was based on her subspecies and they aren't that far off. Her eyes get all glowy and she can make you do things you don’t wanna do." he said ranting incoherently.

  "Greg we can all do that, it’s a pheromone and light response. It's not magic, it's normal for Osirian Elder generation females!"

  "Yea but you use yours for what you believe is the right thing to do, and sometimes to be annoying but otherwise harmless. She's evil. She once had me convinced she didn’t exist. I thought I was hallucinating because she jacked with my perception and put my implants into a feedback loop. You had 4 choices of highly trained and approved Osirian Elders and you cloned Satan to warp onto the freaking ship. Satan with tits!" he roared, rattling the protective glass. Izzy looked concerned.

  "You are exaggerating though, right? She can't be that dangerous. Why would she be in the list?" she asked.

  "I don’t know, that's what scares me." Greg barked.

  "Greg, you aren't scared of anything. I heard you once jumped from orbit to see if you could stick a superhero landing at terminal velocity. You are a demigod with limitless power."

  "That's the problem. I'm the biggest gun out there and she knows how to pull my trigger." he said as Lawg snickered in the background. Izzy looked disappointed.

  "Sounded sexual, that's all." Lawg apologized.

  "That's it, we gotta kill her." Greg shrugged.

  "That's a bit extreme." said a new voice. Greg's hair stood up and he realized she was in the room.

  "Hey, who let the crazy demon chick out of the machine?" asked Marley. Greg looked defensive, his eyes glowing bright white as he circled her. Her own eyes glowed blue as she strolled casually with a light grin. She stepped playfully in her new heels as she ran her hand across the cargo crates and stared at him.

  "Be gone, thot." he warned.

  "Greg, honey. Are we still fighting over old issues with new slang?" she sighed.

  "Who let her in the cargo bay?" asked Izzy

  "I did." Lawg said with a hypnotic calm.

  "Why? The big dangerous monster said she was dangerous." Duffy asked in shock. "That was stupid even for you. Who just lets out the prisoner, why did you do that?" Duffy jabbed.

  "Because…" he pondered. "Wow, that is a very good question, why did I let the prisoner out. What the hell did I do that for?" He asked looking more confused than normal."

  "He wasn’t kidding, look at his eyes. He's more glazed than Duncan." Marley said poking Lawg in the arm. "And I know he's not high because I have all the wee-" he stopped short like a deer in headlights, looking up at Duffy. "I mean… we ran out of weed weeks ago?" he corrected.

  "I KNEW it." Duffy pointed.

  The demoness circled Greg slowly.

  "Greg this is silly, what did they do to you?" she asked in a very sad tone.

  "I'm not falling for that trick." he snarled.

  "What trick? It's your implants again isn't it? Are they still damaged or are those bastards still trying to activate them?" she said stepping closer.

  "Oh come on, you know damn good and well those have been burned out for millenia."

  "Greg, they just want you think that so you don’t suspect anything." she said as her eyes faded to green suddenly.

  "Greg, it’s a trap." Yelled Lawg

  "No shit lumberjack, I'm aware of that." he said looking very tired.

  "Greg, this isn't about us and our differences, think about the empire. Think about your son." she said as her eyes faded to white and he looked sad and distant.

  "How do you know about Christophe?" he asked.

  "Greg, don’t look into her eyes, she doesn’t know anything she's just saying vague phrases that can mean anything so you will tell your own secrets." yelled Izzy "That's fake psychic 101!"

  "I never told her about Christophe." he said breathing slower.

  "Blow the cargo door, blow it now!" Izzy ordered.

  "We can't blow the door, there is no big red door explode button, this is an icecream truck." Lawg hollered, skimming the control box for ideas and options. "We got empty sprinklers, alarms, a big blue light that spins and plays music and we got rocky road."

  "What does that do?" Izzy asked.

  "It satisfies, Izzy, it satisfies the cravings and embraces you in sweet chocolate." Lawg answered dead seriously.

  "We can't just sit here, why is the cargo bay door locked?" asked Izzy.

  "I locked it." said a very hypnotic Duffy.

  "Oh no, I'm alone." Izzy said stepping back and giving the door a massive Spartan kick, bending the lock.

  "It's not her fault, Izzy. They never loved her, not even as a kid." said Duffy with a drone voice.

  "Oh that's just creepy." Izzy said as her eyes lit and she kicked the door off the hinges. "Alright bitch, let them all go." she said as the room began taking on a blue glow.

  "I can't let you do that, Izzy." Greg said stepping between them and lengthening his fangs.

  Lawg slid to the wall in a panic.

  "Freaking telepathic alien vampire gods. Literally the worst shit ever always ends up on this damn ship!" hollered Lawg, pulling random levers in desperation.

  "Greg, this isn't you. Actually, I don’t know you very well so I can't promise that. Greg, old buddy ol pal." Izzy nervously smiled, staring into his eyes. "How about you just go take a nice nap." she said brightening her eyes. He yawned and looked dizzy for a moment. Very little if any lingering effect.

  "It's okay honey." Jenny okayed, staring directly at Izzy to show her who's boss. "You deserve a nap. Jenny's got this. Go to sleep, Greg." she said casually. His eyes rolled and he dropped like a brick, face-down without even flinching.

  "Oh crap." Izzy muttered with a smile of terror. "Greg, honey, darling. Nap time is over. Need to do that killing thing you love so much now. Any time Greg." she encouraged. He wasn’t moving.

  "Izzy, you look good. What are you now…eight years old?" Jenny asked

  "Sixteen." she replied, looking unsure. "Wait, no I'm not. I'm 22, or older." she blinked, her own eyes dimming. "Oh you're good at this."

  "You're just a scared kid, trapped all the way out here with that creature and these idiots. You must be terrified, so alone and confused." Jenny said as her eyes faded to green.

  "You can't know how I feel." Said Izzy, wobbling.

  "I've been there." she said comfortingly. "He has a way about him, doesn’t he? So alluring and mysterious. Dangerous and untamable. You like your men that way, don’t you Izzy. Was your father there for you when you were alone and scared?" she asked. Izzy felt the air escape her lungs and the room went cold, darkness around her.

  "You don’t know my father." she panted.

  "Are you sure that you really do?" asked Jenny. Izzy swayed slightly, unable to feel her legs or even breathe, as a tear welled up in her eye and suddenly there was a shock of warmth and it was gone. Jenny collapsed and Izzy could suddenly hear the hum of the engines and the faint rattle of the tape secured window latch to the left, the poorly glued cardboard paneling crackling as the bulkheads moves with the ship.

  "What the hell just happened?" she asked in absolute denial. Marley stepped out of the shadows.

  "Everyone was freaking out so I just hardcore wanged her in the head with this brick." he answered. "Did I just save the universe or something?" he asked looking proud. "I just saved the universe, I am the shit! Bow before my furry and silently padded feet for I AM YOUR KING!" he exclaimed.

  "I feel really sad inside." Said Lawg, suddenly throwing up.

  The dipshits stood back after a brief scene change, admiring their work.

  "Are you kidding me, tape?" asked Izzy, waving her arm at Jenny, hogtied and taped to a chair in the airlock, with dark welding goggles taped to her face.

  "We don’t have restraints or chains, this isn't a prison transport, we scavenge junk and smuggle bobble-heads to Zaycrons." defended Lawg.

  "The most dangerous bitch in the galaxy is restrained with freaking tape?" asked Izzy.

  "Don’t underestimate Survival Green, my friend. This sticky crap has been holding our canvas roof together for months and it hasn’t moved more than an inch or so in that time." Lawg defended further.

  "I thought we got that repaired?" asked Marley looking up and jumping slightly.

  "Nope." smirked Lawg.

  "You spent the repair money on hookers and Loco drinks didn’t you?" asked a disappointed but not surprised Duffy.

  "Obviously." Lawg scoffed.

  "That's just sad." sighed Greg.

  "From you?" scolded Izzy, don’t you have a reputation for drunken hooker parties?" she defended. Greg scoffed, offended.

  "Groupies, not hookers. Fornicating is only natural. Paying for it is just sad. If you can't work the charm and land the deal, then you don’t deserve it." Greg defended.

  "Not fair, I don’t have my own cult. That's brainwashing!" Lawg shouted. Izzy locked eyes with him and her eyes flashed.

  "No, this is brainwashing."

  "Yes maam, you are entirely correct." Lawg said, mindlessly sitting down.

  "Okay seriously someone needs to teach me that." Duffy interrupted.

  "Sorry, that was irresponsible. I'm new to this." Izzy said, sitting down.

  "So why are we not pooting her into space?" asked Marley, tapping the glass to remind everyone that there is a psycho prisoner in the other room.

  "Because..." Izzy argued. "That's a good point why are we not doing that?" She asked Greg.

  "Because we need 3 Osirian power supplies to build a communications array if we ever wanna get this mission done, or go home. Just thought I'd remind you that you printed my ex-wife AROUND the necessary power pack. It's a safety device to make sure no one Osirian goes rogue and tries to build a gate. It takes all 3 of us. Gold star for Izzy." Greg pointed out.

  "Cant we just crack her head open and remove it?" asked Duffy. "Don’t look at me like that, she's evil and a robot or alien robot, what the hell are you guys exactly?" she asked.

  "Sentient hive-minded biomechanoid hybrids." Greg answered.

  "Well glad we cleared that up, let's crack her skull open and get you guys home before dinner." Duffy cheerfully suggested. Greg grunted with annoyance.

  "Right, super easy. Who wants to go in there with her and try to cut through her ribcage? We can draw straws. Y'all got some diamond chainsaws or a radial arm saw with a concrete cutting disc handy?" he asked.

  "There is no way she's that tough, you guys can't be built that heavily." Duffy rolled her eyes. Greg stared blankly and picked up a random bolt off the welding table and casually popped it in his mouth like popcorn, crunching it with minimal effort.

  "Yea, we are all dead." Marley nodded.

  "You knocked her out with a brick, just go in swinging bricks." Lawg suggested.

  "Yea, there is no reason that should have worked. I'm still trying to figure that one out myself." Greg pondered. "The hell is that brick made of?"

  "I find it best to not question inconsistencies in the world around you. Just go with the flow and don’t worry about the why, and the who, and how much." Lawg shrugged, itching his head and looking flush. "Also is it just me or is it really, really horny in here?" he asked, looking at Izzy, who was breathing slightly heavy. She looked up at Greg and they all looked back at the airlock and noticed Jenny was shaking slightly, like she was laughing under all the tape.

  "Yea, we need a lot more tape." Marley noted.

  "This is the furthest part of the ship from the airlock." insisted Duffy as they gathered around the Fusion.

  "We should really invest in a bigger ship." Lawg muttered to himself.

  "Or just one without giant robot aliens in it, which would be fun." Marley suggested.

  Greg started to open his mouth to say something snide and he froze, smelling something familiar. It smelled like fresh cut wild grass. He felt oddly calm and could hear the faint creak of a rope swinging from a tree limb, the sound a swing set makes when lightly moved in the breeze. It was followed by laughter so faint he wasn’t sure if he even heard it.

  "You good there, goliath?" asked Duffy.

  "You guys don’t have a yard or a swing set onboard, do you?" he asked.

  "Great. Does the enormous lord of death and destruction have hallucinations often or is this a new trick?" Duffy complained.

  "I honestly don’t know." Izzy admitted. Greg suddenly got up and headed to the armory.

  "This seems rational." Marley nodded with his arms crossed.

  "I can't tell if he is too sober or too drunk." said Lawg. "Someone get him more and also less drinks just to be sure."

  "Izzy, this is for you." Greg said handing her a remote detonator.

  "Okay, that's very sweet, but I think I'm married to your oldest son. Also this is detonator for a mining charge you seem to be attaching to your neck." she informed carefully, being positive and smiling to keep him calm.

  "Yep. We need to get to the nearest large space-station or planet where it can be safely detonated without decompressing the ship."

  "Okay I'll ask. Greg, why you wearing an explosive necklace?" asked Marley.

  "Because I'm smelling grass and hearing swing sets and there are no swing sets or grass on this ship."

  "Okay, fine I admit it, I have grass in my bunk, y'all happy, and I'm admitting it. I get stressed out sometimes" Marley defended. "I have PTSD from the turd cannon incident and my almost girlfriend turning into a panda."

  "I think he means like the kind of grass you mow." Whispered Duffy "and I'm taking back my weed too, you little bogart."

  "Damn." he said kicking the air.

  "Everyone has flashbacks occasionally, weird feelings and sensations." Izzy assured.

  "Totally normal." Lawg nodded.

  "No it's not!" argued Marley. Does everyone else here just trip balls for no reason?" Lawg and Izzy shook their head no, Duffy nodded yes and Lawg second guessed himself halfway through. Greg banged on the table for attention. The table broke in half. he sighed sadly.

  "Damn, that was a nice table. Anyway, They're not just paranoid feelings. I smelled a Canadian Blue and St Augustine hybrid grass that had been freshly mowed. That's a genetically modified grass I invented for Jenny's first house. She had a wooden swing set that creaked discreetly when she swung on it. She's in my head. The implants are active and for some reason she can get through. So, if I lose my damn mind, you got this nice concussion mine detonator to use. Should have enough thump if it's directly against my spinal nerve cluster to stun the hell out of me for a few seconds.

  "Stun you?" Duffy exclaimed "The hell does that accomplish?"

  "Buy's you time to start running. Or we could have nothing at all and that will stun me for, hmm, carry the zero, divide that by nothing, exactly zero seconds." he pointed out.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  "I like the bomb necklace thingy." Marley nodded.

  "So do we have any plan at all here?" asked Izzy.

  "I got a solid plan." Greg shrugged. "We find a planet with an atmosphere, land."

  "This pile of ship doesn’t land." Duffy added.

  "Find a planet, Crash, then we stick Jenny in a cave and cover her with explosives; we get about 7 kilometers away and start building a communications array. Send the green light, start replicating nanoprobes and constructing a base of operation while we figure out how to kill Jenny without rupturing the power core in her ribcage. And assuming we figure that out, we used the power packs to open a gate and mission accomplished. We just have to work out a few details, that's all." Greg shrugged.

  "What details?" asked Marley.

  "Finding a planet with a livable surface and no population, setting up some basic fabrication tools and a workshop, balancing the chlorine in the pool out back so it's clean for the cookou…" he paused, remembering the pool was destroyed with Jenny's little brick home about 600 years ago. "And yea just the workshop and basic security grid."

  "Can I hold the boom-clicker?" asked Lawg.

  "Anyone touches that thing but Izzy and I'll use you're spine as the antennae." Greg snipped.

  "This seems stable." Marley said randomly lighting up a joint.

  "Vegetar 6" said Izzy looking at the viewscreen. "Who names these things?" she added.

  "Probably the Vegetarians. Unfortunately the next nearest system is 3 days away and we have no more booze to keep Lawg alive that long. I can rig up a still with all that plant-life down there in a few hours." Marley nodded.

  "You don’t see the irony and problem with a planet entirely covered in grasslands after that little Greg-episode with the swing set?" Izzy asked.

  "Yea, ironic crap like that just follows us everywhere." Marley shrugged. "It's either that or we got enough fuel and time to make it to an F-class moon officially called Lucifer's second bellybutton. I'm personally not feelin that vibe at all, so I vote grasslands."

  "Yea grass is fine. Odds are pretty much impossible that it would be anything remotely similar to Canadian Blue and St Augustine hybrid grass" she scoffed.

  "Yea, that's basically it." Greg nodded as the ship behind them lightly smoked from the terrible landing.

  "That's statistically impossible." Izzy argued.

  "I agree with that statement, and yet that is exactly the same as Canadian Blue and St Augustine hybrid grass as far as the eye can see. Smells the same, moves the same, little more yellow but that could be the orange sun messing with the lighting." Greg assessed, tasting a stray blade of grass for confirmation. "Yea that's pretty close."

  "Nobody has luck this bad; in existence." Izzy grumbled.

  "Beg to differ. This is pretty normal for us." Duffy hollered.

  "We need to look for food and water." informed Marley.

  "We don’t." Greg corrected.

  "What do you guys eat and drink?" asked Duffy.

  "Technically we don’t need anything. Osirian power reactor cells run for about 50 years and you just replace them with a new one when they get old."

  "So you just drank all my strawberry-banana vodka for fun?" Lawg yelled.

  "Mostly. At the time I didn’t know you had reverse-alcoholism diabetes, nor would I have cared. I just needed the distraction to get my focus off the fact that I could read the dialogue text." he admitted. Izzy suddenly looked up and got alarmed.

  "Oh my god, Greg, stop reminding me of that! Now I can't ignore it again." Izzy growled in frustration.

  "Still don’t understand what that means." Marley muttered to Lawg. He shrugged.

  "I dunno, these aliens are all nuttier than a squirrel turd." he muttered back.

  "Funny isn't it?" Greg chuckled, looking at the scanner. "Whole planet of grasslands and not a single lake or large river. Makes you really wonder at how it even works." he marveled.

  "No it doesn’t, I'm just thirsty and chewing on foliage isn't helping much. I'd kill for a fruit roll up right now." Marley groaned.

  "We could just go back where we left Jenny, hack a leg off for the sustenance." Greg joked.

  "Man she does have some great legs." Lawg said squinting and drifting his eyes upward in deep thought. He suddenly shook his head and looked around, oddly paranoid. "Why am I thinking about Jenny's legs?"

  "Cuz they're amazing." Duffy shrugged. "What? I can appreciate a quality piece even if I don’t play for that team." Greg sniffed the air and looked back.

  "And as luck would have it, the wind just shifted so her pheromones are now blowing TOWARDS us." Greg smiled sarcastically. "That's convenient."

  "Kinda nice actually. You know what I miss more than food?" Lawg asked.

  "Floosies?" guessed Marley.

  "Well if I say it now it's just gonna sound stupid." he sighed.

  "So, boys… any chance the ship might take off after that little hard-landing?" asked Izzy.

  "Technically it was a soft crash more than a hard landing. There is fine line." Lawg corrected. "And the ship can't even normally take off in a 1-G plus environment. She can emergency glide down but the thrusters they make big enough to lift the ship would tear the cardboard struts right off on takeoff."

  "If the bunny dies of dehydration, I'm totally gonna roast him." Greg whispered to Izzy.

  "That's horrible." she scolded.

  "You ever ate roasted rabbit?" He asked.

  "Yea it is pretty good. Not while his friends are coherent and watching, that's just rude." she advised.

  "Obviously not in front of them, it's a cool planet, he'll last until the others drop dead too. I'm not a total monster. I just don’t like to waste things." he argued.

  "That seems fair." she nodded, feeling slightly tempted herself.

  Duffy bent down and picked up a flower that looked fairly moist and gave it a try, chewing once and then opening her mouth and letting it fall out as she grimaced and shook with immediate regret.

  "Oh, neat. You can eat the red flowers?" Marley asked.

  "Apparently not." she wheezed. They suddenly all turned upwards as a spacecraft flew overhead, slowing down to see of they needed a lift. Izzy looked back to see Lawg sticking out his thumb.

  "Did you stick your thumb out before or after the ship arrived?" Mar asked.

  "I'm not going to tell you." he grinned.

  They stood in a line as armed guards in masks pointed ray guns or something visually similar and equally cool looking. Everyone held their arms out except Greg who was being guarded by 3 guards and a guy waving a metal detector. He looked annoyed as the wand beeped constantly from head to toe.

  "Yea I'll just remove my skeleton and brain implants and put them in a plastic bucket for ya." he said dryly.

  "Sir, please remove your clothing." the lead guard in the much cooler looking mask, said hesitantly.

  "Because of course you would want that." Lawg sighed.

  "We really don’t want that, trust me, this isn't pleasant, it's just procedure." he sighed reluctantly.

  "Nobody wants that!" Marley hollered.

  "I'm actually okay with it." Duffy shrugged. Lawg squinted and leaned over to Marley.

  "Is it just me…or do Osirian end up naked unnecessarily often?" whispered Lawg.

  "Seems that way." he whispered back.

  "Do we really have to do this?" asked Lawg, sick of seeing dude dangles for a while. "He was naked for like 2 hours back on the ship."

  "We need to check for weapons and dangerous contraband." the guard said.

  "Gentlemen I promise you I am just as dangerous naked as armed, so it doesn’t matter." Greg informed. The guard slouched in exhaustion.

  "Man, this isn't fun for anyone, I just don’t wanna get written up or shanked." said the guard in his causal helmet voice.

  "It could be fun for some of us." hollered Duffy

  "This is on you. Enjoy." Greg shrugged and dropped pants.

  "Oh yea that, that was a mistake. Curiosity is a bad thing." Marley nodded with a look of troubled sadness. "I think it kills cats fairly often."

  "Hu…" said the guard with a troubled helmet expression.

  "You were looking for weapons, buddy you found one." Greg smirked.

  "Yea, should have just skipped the procedure this one time, hindsight for sure." the guard sighed.

  "Is he armed?" asked another guard approaching.

  "You could say that, maybe not in the traditional sense." he said looking awkwardly at his feet. Duffy stretched to see better from the line. She grinned.

  "He's definitely armed. I dunno, I think it qualifies more as a spare leg than an arm." she deduced. Lawg huffed and shook his head.

  "And what did we learn about trust today?" he asked. "Sometimes it's better to just use your instinct rather than procedures." he added.

  "Okay we've seen enough, your turn." the guard said looking at Izzy. Lawg perked up and stuck his head out of the line.

  "Then again procedures are there for a reason. Contrabass and weapons and whatnot." Lawg said, changing his tone.

  "Really?" she sighed with agitation.

  "You beeped the thingy. If we were gonna violate regulations we would have started earlier with that guy." the guard admitted.

  "We have a high metalicity to our bones and tendons." Izzy whined.

  "I believe you…shuck away." he insisted.

  The adventurous crew sat around a table with shackles on their wrists.

  "At least we have food." said Marley with a positive look. "It's prison food but it still beats starving. Delmarian prison rations are actually descent, so it's often a matter of perspective." he said taking a bite and locking up mid chew. "Nope, I was wrong. Starving is slightly better." he corrected. The main guard entered the room, breathing aggressively through his helmet. Maybe it was hard to breathe or he was rushing to get there. Maybe he was being intimidating by making more noise. The world may never know.

  "Who is the other chick and why is she taped to a chair?" he asked.

  "You could just ask nicely, you know. We are cooperating already." Greg said.

  "You're only cooperating because I have you in chains. How do I know you wouldn’t turn on us the moment we took those off?" he asked, banging the table to be intimidating. Greg nonchalantly lifted his hands, with a gentle "tink" he popped the chain apart and lowered his hands.

  "Very sorry for yelling. Can someone pretty please inform me who the woman is taped to chair, if it's not too much trouble?" he asked pleasantly, still through the mask modulation.

  "Well, now you already got rude and snippy so I'm inclined to just tell you she's your mother and I smashed that last night." Greg said snidely.

  "Come on, man. This is my first prisoner transport. We're on the way back from a good easy drop and I would appreciate the cooperation." his said sitting down. Lawg chuckled.

  "Good easy drop." Lawg whispered.

  "Geese, dude." Greg scoffed. "Even I'm more mature than that." The guard sat down, giving no shits anymore.

  "I just want to impress they guys. They don’t respect me yet. I'm younger than them and I just got the job because my grandpa was a big deal. I need this to go well." he leveled with them.

  "What's your name?" asked Duffy.

  "Wren Little." he sighed.

  "Oh yea, that's a shit name. They are totally calling you Little Wren behind your back." Marley snickered, taking a bite of the protein bar and spitting it out when he remembered how bad it was.

  "They do." he nodded.

  "I would." nodded Lawg.

  "Why don't you take off the mask, so we can talk to you without that dumb voice modulation?" Izzy asked.

  "Hey, Voice modulators are cool and scary!" defended Marley, accidentally taking another bite and spitting it back out. "Why do I keep doing that?"

  "The mask makes me who I am. Without it I'm just an ugly loser." He pouted as Duffy scoffed.

  "That's not very confident. Confidence is key. You are probably a good looking young man, and you don’t need fear to gain respect. Sure, it would be more dramatic to wait a few days to remove the mask but it's trendy right now to just give that reveal away right upfront without any build." Duffy encouraged. He shrugged and disconnected the mask. All of them jumped back and winced.

  "AUH, shit, it's horrible, put the mask back on!" Duffy hollered.

  "I'm hideous, aren't I?" he said as the angle changed to show essentially just a massive nose with glasses instead of a face. No mouth or chin, just a giant nose and glasses. 14 inch tall shnoz and oversized spectacles sitting on it.

  "What the actual eff?" asked Lawg, heaving slightly at the nose hairs that were at least an inch long and quite pubic in their thickness and curl.

  "I know, it's bad." he sighed.

  "Are you all like that or did you just snort some plutonium as a child?" Greg asked.

  "No, it's just me. Everyone else is totally normal. Very few of us have this problem. It's considered genetically inferior and dorky. That's why I wear the mask even when I'm off duty, and why I got this badass voice thingy. It's all compensation and insecurity. If I land a big prisoner capture, they might respect me enough that I can take this thing off without them laughing. And eventually I can afford to fix it. Mustache transplants are not cheap." he said putting the mask back on. The door opened and 3 guards entered, all equally just a big-giant nose with varying shape and nostril hair, each having a very bushy and stylized mustache.

  "We're at the crashed ship, sir."

  "I don’t want interruptions." he scolded. The middle one nodded, turning and leaving again.

  "Wait…the mustache?" Lawg asked. "That's what makes you ugly and dorky, just a lack of mustache?" he asked.

  "I look like a child, it's humiliating." Wren barked.

  "Right, because a 30 pound nose and glasses just looks silly without the handebar manchu!?!?" Greg asked.

  "See, even prisoners make fun of me. You don’t understand, you have a full wizard beard, that thing is glorious and uniquely mature."

  "Oh yea, this beast is fantastic." Greg bragged.

  "Cant just glue a fake one on?" asked Marley.

  "Like people can't tell the difference. Even this child has a beard.

  "Hey, I'm a fully mature 15 year-old. That's middle age for my species, lotta males never even make it to 16." he defended. Greg and Izzy looked at him with morbid fascination "We get fupared to dead like, just, all the time. Don’t worry about it."

  "I'm not even going to ask." Greg said dodging the subject, under the assumption it was very unpleasant. "So what are you planning to do with us, drop us off on some labor camp with a mining operation, iron-rich planet with an oxygen atmosphere?" Greg asked.

  "We were, but that female you got taped to the chair looks pretty special. If I bring her to the Emperor, they might finally knight me. The Knights of Wren will finally be more than a shitty teaser that everyone keeps forgetting about because they dropped the ball on the last big opportunity." he said looking pretty triumphant for a nose.

  "Good idea, but you should drop us off on that mining planet first. Big boy like me could do some serious mining. Think of the profit." Greg teased. Lawg's eyes got big.

  "What are you doing? I can't mine, I can't even win minesweeper on easy mode. I'm not built for manual labor!" objected Lawg.

  "Can-it, ass!" jabbed Duffy with an elbow to the spleen.

  "When did he become the captain?" asked Lawg

  "Since I outweighed you by a factor of 6 and can bench press your ship." Greg growled.

  "Okay, I just- nobody informed me, that's all." he said shriveling like something small that shrivels when intimidated or in cold water. Turtle maybe. Get your mind out of the gutter.

  "Oh no, I may be a nose, but I'm not that stupid. You WANT to go to the mining planet for some strange reason." Wren nasaled.

  "Of course I do, I love breaking things and hard work, how do you think I build these cannons? And I'm kind of a jerk so I think it would be hilarious to see these weens buckle under the pressure. I thrive in mining colonies. That's way better than prison or death for me. You think a guy like me has never been in a work camp or two?"

  "Greg, what the ass? You could rip through this room like paper foil, why are you selling us out?" Lawg barked.

  "Shut up Lawg." Duffy jabbed. "And what the hell is paper foil?"

  "Why are you really so eager to get to the mining planet. I haven't even told you what mining planet it is yet. It could be slaveo-7. Nobody willingly goes there, it's implied in the name. Slaveo." Nose informed.

  "I assumed we would go to the closest one. Which one is closest? We got kinda lost." Greg asked.

  "None of them are good, especially Slaveo!" Lawg yelled. "Just use your superpowers to get us out of here!" he barked.

  "Superpowers?" asked Nose Wren. "Guards, assist me!" he hollered into the mask.

  "Good job there, numbnuts." Greg shrugged, standing up and just breaking through the chains like nothing, grabbing the nose and holding him hostage. The guards rushed in and drew guns.

  "I'm taking your ship and your supplies. I don’t need to kill anyone. I'll leave you a beacon and some rations. Just go prep the ship for takeoff and load all the mining colony locations into the nav system. You have 10 seconds before I break your nose." Greg said, squeezing Wren tighter.

  "You kill Wren, and we kill your woman." said the second biggest nose.

  "Which one…the one in the chair?" he asked.

  "The cute one." he said moving the gun to Izzy's head.

  "Damn, I was gonna let you shoot Jenny." He muttered. Two of the other noses drifted their sights to Izzy.

  "Greg, it's okay. You can just bring me back." Izzy said defiantly.

  "This gun is set to a slow and painful death setting. One shot and she will be in extreme pain, another shot will paralyze her and take 3 days to claim her life.

  "Point the gun at me. You really don’t want to shoot her." Greg insisted.

  "You really don’t." she agreed, you could just shoot Jenny, that would work in your favor." she bluffed. The guard lowered the gun and shot her in the leg, dropping Izzy. She screamed in agony as she shook with what looked like an electric discharge of some kind.

  "New offer." Greg growled, stifling his rage. "First one of you to give me the nav codes and startup sequence get's dropped off wherever they want, everyone else stays here with a beacon and rations, and whatever happens, I'm killing that guy anyway."

  "Strong words for a man with no gun. Surrender now and I'll hit her with the reset charge." said the second in command.

  "What's a reset charge?" Greg asked.

  "I just press this button here and shoot her again and the pains stops." He informed. Greg turned back to Marley.

  "Hey, can any of you guys prep a prison transport for takeoff?"

  "I can." nodded Duffy.

  "It won't help you. The ship has a touch screen fingerprint lockout." smiled the second nose. Greg grinned with a maniacal chuckle and his eyes glowed blue.

  "Oh boy, I was really hoping you'd say that." he snickered, lengthening his canines. He tossed Wren and bounced him off the wall like a rag doll, as the guards began pelting him with pain-charges. Each shot slowed him down momentarily as he seemed to get madder and madder. He grabbed the first nose (who previously shot Izzy) and without hesitation he put one hand on the back of his neck and broke him over his raised knee, ripping him in half and throwing each half aside in a spray of what may have been snot or blood. He picked up the gun and fired consecutive shots into each guard before hitting the dial to reset and shooting Izzy, silencing her screams as the electric shock stopped. He gave himself a few shots and tossed the gun aside. Grabbing the lead nose and stomping down on his shoulder, ripping his arm off for the fingerprint scanner. He rapidly shot each of them with the undo button.

  "Anyone else wanna shoot Izzy, or would someone like to help me prep the maximum security holding cell, I got shit to do and I'm in a hurry to do it." he said swirling the severed arm. Every Knight of Wren raised their hands to volunteer, including Wren, all except the dead guy who just seemed to twitch slightly now and then. He didn’t have an arm to raise anyway, so it's fine. "Oh good then nobody else has to die violently today. Isn't cooperation fun?" He said punctuating the word "fun" by stomping the dead nose's head with his boot.

  "Yes." nodded the noses in relatively close synchronized agreement.

  The prison transport ship hovered and lifted up, lifting the SS Tast-E-Chill via tow-line, and then lifted the maximum security cells on a cable a good 40 feet behind, in a sort of spaceship chain. Greg counted the guards on the ground and calculated about 2 days rations in the form of the nasty protein bars.

  "And YOU get a protein bar, and YOU get a protein bar." Duffy playfully hollered, tossing them our randomly as they gained altitude. They scrambled for them as Greg lowered down the emergency beacon on a rope and let it drop the last 10 feet into the soft grass.

  "Does that beacon need to be wired to the ship to work, or does it have an independent battery?" asked Marley.

  "Didn’t really think about that." Greg shrugged.

  "Don’t care do you?" Marley asked.

  "Not really, they did shoot me a bunch of times and these things hurt like a bitch. I said I'd give them a beacon and rations and they got it. My word is solid and I got me a new ship. Not a total shit-storm of a day I'd say. You feeling okay Izzy?" he asked. She sipped her tea and gave a shaky thumbs up. Greg smiled. "Good times. Alright everyone, you all do space stuff, so whatever you do on your ship, go do that on this ship or at least pretend to do something well enough that I can't tell the difference. Izzy, you rest up, I'll be in the cargo hold claiming whatever contraband suits me best. Class dismissed shit-weasels." he said stomping to the hallway. He tossed the severed arm at Lawg, who pansy-squealed and dodged it like a scary spider.

  "Put that on ice, we may need again if the ship's computer reboots or something." Greg yawned.

  "You plan on just, keeping the arm?" asked Marley, a little disturbed.

  "Why not? Could be good luck, like a lucky rabbit's foot."

  "I find that even more horrific actually, but I'm far to intimidated to argue." he admitted, heading to the infirmary to look for some anxiety meds and a Styrofoam cooler.

  Greg stood proudly, eyeing the viewscreen as the ship puttered along to the mining colony.

  "Greg." said Izzy, slowly approaching.

  "Captain Greg, of the starship Shawshank." he smirked.

  "I appreciate what you did back there." she said.

  "Older Izzy wouldn’t have approved of vicious homicide, you are far more open-minded." he yawned.

  "No that part was horrible, that was truly horrendous and I will probably have nightmares from it for a few days. However, you did take a bunch of those pain charges for me, and you didn’t have to. I'm just saying I appreciate it." she smiled.

  "You would have done the same for me." he shrugged.

  "No, no I would not have. Not remotely. Not even given it a second of consideration. Those things really, really hurt." she admitted. Greg raised an eyebrow.

  "Thanks." he nodded.

  "I meant, like before you did that. I thought you were a heartless monster. I don’t really know why other Izzy hates you so much if she took the time to really get to know you." she smiled.

  "Don’t make it weird." he sighed

  "I won't, but I still appreciate it." she smiled back.

  "Alrighty. Noted. You're welcome. Now go rest up, or do so some light-duty space stuff." he suggested. She smiled and shuffled away. "Captain Bluebeard Greggarious, Space Pirate." he muttered softly to himself.