Absolution. A cleansing water that washed away the weight I had been carrying all this time. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did my emotions, my mental state, my entire being ebb and flow entirely based on the words of others? I hated myself for it, this sickening dependency I’d developed over my time with Aera, but with her absence a hole had been made in my life; the person who told me what was right and wrong, what I could and couldn’t do, was gone. Silaqui filled this hole with something pleasant and warm, but this was unfair of me. I was a parasite to her, feeding on her constantly for assurance and instruction, and only giving back headaches and worry. But I didn’t care in this moment, her hand caressing mine, orange eyes softly gazing into mine; I only wanted her love and her kindness to continue. I sickened myself.
“You don’t mind? That I’m like this? That I hurt people? Kill them? That I lose my temper? That I have some part of me that likes to do this?” I was barely holding it together: I had just been let go at my job, I’d been in a fugue state for days, and I thought I had lost my guiding light. Every part of my heart had just burst in front of her, and she had reciprocated with kindness where I had only known punishment and confusion. Everything I had ever known was being tested, everything my mother ever told me, that Aera had reinforced with wounds and words. Silaqui looked down and to the left for a moment before answering.
“You wanna know how I feel?” Her eyes went back to mine, a thoughtful look in her eyes. “I don’t like death. But I don’t like evil even less. The people you killed, I investigated them after I figured you were responsible; the things they were responsible for were reprehensible. When you drank the leader’s Vanta you probably saw for yourself. But that leader lived on, to help the police, to do the greater good. You made mistakes, and let yourself succumb to your base instinct. Though that isn’t ideal, your actions are still in line with what I want from my Champion; what I would want my companion to do. And when you were at your lowest, you still chose to do the greater good, even though killing would’ve been the easiest option by far.”
Silaqui looked at the cup in my other hand, still undrank; I sipped it, and soon after felt a warmth in the nape of my neck, soothing the deeper parts of my brain. Comfort began to seep into my bones for the first time in days, and I took another sip to deepen the feeling. “I’m proud of you Avery. You impress me every time we speak, to be honest. I didn’t know humans could be this resilient. I never made many friends with humans; it’s like, they live so short of lives, and their mindsets usually reflect that. They can’t see past a decade from now at the most, and that is a rare few who can see that far. On top of that, they can’t see past themselves very well: nearsighted.”
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“It’s hard to make friends like that, you know? But when it came time for me to do my work, make my next Champion, the spell I crafted would only work on someone who didn’t have any Vitality in them already, hence a human. But I didn’t know anybody, and everyone my friends recommended were all chodes. Cool kids, but it was just that: it was like talking to kids, because they didn’t understand a thing, nor did they want to. But you are a cup ever-flowing, and yet with always room for more. You are astounding, Avery Grey. You agonize over your every action, and yet you aren’t afraid to take action when it’s needed. You want to be good, and try so hard, but aren’t afraid to bloody your hands to reach that. When I talk to you, you speak with the intelligence of someone who has lived twice your age, but also with the heart of a child. I am… To be honest, I feel as if I am taking advantage of you. I feel like you are in a raw and impressionable state, and what I do or say could change everything for you. But I can’t help but want to have you around.”
A bashful smile appeared on Silaqui’s face, and I felt for a moment the love of someone who had been untouched by the evils of the world. I set the cup down on the counter, and wrapped my arms around Silaqui’s waist. I nestled my head onto her shoulder, pressing my lips to her exposed neck for a soft kiss. I held her like this for a moment, waiting for her response; she rested one hand on my collarbone, and brushed the other through my raven black hair. I raised my head, my soft breath on her ear, before I whispered, “I want to be here too.” I pulled my head back until we were face-to-face, our noses almost touching, and I smiled. It was a strange smile, one that bubbled up from a place deep in my heart, one that had been locked away when I was a child, reading fictions about princesses and their princes, rogues and their charlatans, angels and their fools. As we kissed softly in the ambient light of the apothecary, I wondered if I would ruin this too, or if this love would be the end of my chain of disaster.
