Cover story 24: Been months and nothings getting better

  The before alive are now dead, the media still as ruthless, the respect became irony when people just chose to not help out. As the family died, and a new phase began the only ones alive were the ones known as boyfriend and girlfriend.

  A new beginning and a new phase

  --

  This is my domain. The flowers russell, the grass pointing towards the left just as the sun starts to set down, I remember screams were fading just as the wind blew the clouds to the south, FOOSH the wind went. He slept for days so my five day thing was scrapped and when days went by, less and less of his family started to appear, I took them deep into the woods center, not that far from the homes but just far enough for Neova to find them covered and not living. With time I understood, I became a psychopath, but there was no requiem. Because I only stood still these past few days, I was one with nature, and a part of me could care less, so I was working as I stayed. Each second was a blur, second by second, minute by minute, I just wanted out OUT. So I stopped, I asked for a sick day, and now, I am working nowhere, because I was out of the working equation. I have only been out of work two times, am I starting to rust, my old self would never take a sick day, or is it because I was merely living. No enjoyment, not like this is enjoyment, but it is more, the feeling of ego, pride, all that is construed into fake revenge. I don’t even care enough to kill a man like that, but my pride says let the man kill himself, so I said I comply with my thoughts. Those two breaks where when I was kidnapped, and when today came, I am not a better man, but why, WHY TAKE A BREAK FOR I DO NOT FEEL SICK. I DO NOT FEEL EMPTY FOLLOWING GREED. IS THERE MORE OF A REASON TO CONNECT WITH NATURE, NO. NO, THE REASON I STAY A SECOND TIME, IS BECAUSE THAT FILTH MAKES ME FEEL HATRED FOR HUMANITY, THE JUDGMENT HE GAVE, TO A BEING ABOVE HIM, I WANTED TO TIE HIS BODY MAKE HIM IMMORTAL AND LET HIM GET EATEN FOR HE FORSAKE THE SKY FROM WHICH I AM.

  AM I A DEAD MAN, FOR THE SKY WOULD BANISH THE PEOPLE IF THEY DID NOT COMPLY TO ITS WISHES. THAT IS WHY MORTALS DO NOT LIVE UP THERE BUT HERE DOWN WITH THE FOOD THEY SEARCH FOR. THIS IS A REQUIEM FOR THE JUDGMENT. AND AS HE SEARCHES FOR A MAN IN THE WOODS SCREAMING TO THE SKY, I WILL REACH OUT, AND LEND A HAND.

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  --

  And there he was a battered Neova. Standing at the door was Malfonz, he looked down on Neova as he stepped on his hand. A loud scream could be heard, and then as Neova was about to buck and run, Malfonz grabs the guy's neck and bucks Neova’s head against the wall with the force of a wrecking ball. Neova was bleeding, Malfonz knew what made his opponent tick now, “SAY SOMETHIN”, as he said standing behind Neova’s head. But no nothing came out, because nothing was deserving or a word Neova knew he brought out this on himself.

  I saw them, they stood behind the door, they looked angry. Why how did I disappoint you? I came back, it was my job dammit I said as I dreamt of outstretching my hand, but I knew I made my enemy out of pure pleasure of pain. Stop with this DAAANG IT. Even smashing my fists against the ground hurts, IT IT WAS HIM, HE BROUGHT THIS PAIN NOT ME, HE WAS THE HYPOCRITE HE DESERVED DEATH THEN AND THERE BUT I WANT HUMILIATION AND REGRET.

  I turn I try squeezing his neck, NOTHING, Nothing, nothing occurs. Malfonz simply had one comment “we both are hypocrites, we can never kill each other but we want to make the other kill themselves, I did have the plan of stabbing you in the back, but I also had the right of going on with my revenge”.

  --

  “Just leave Atanus behind you dude, that was never you, we are hypocrites, we are egoists you WERE NEVER ATANUS".

  “H how Dare you take my life reason dumbass SAY SOMETHING”, says Neova.

  “You see this vaccine, my reason is to be king, and for me my enemy is nothing, I could have ended your life here, you could have ended me there, but I wanna see how far I can kill you”, he said as he stood up kicking Neova in the nose.

  Malfonz left, he just wanted to toy with the broken Neova, but this was just the start. Neova has nothing without Malfonz and vice versa. Fin.

  (That's what I wanted to tell them the audience, if they can't even smirk at a gesture of comedy then feel the same sadness and hollow as I did for many years, everybody is weak even me when it comes to living, but I tried the many times I talked nobody talked back, so why bless them with comedy, but neither could I bless them with sadness for it was an embarrasing thought so all this went nowhere but up there in my head and down there laying right next to the filthy pig that is Neova).

  I was new once, everybody are, but everybody can’t recall the first time except when it’s too late. I remember when I got bullied, and I remember when I was introduced to friend groups, we got along with time. But right now, even after having gone three years, I feel like I simply exist, even if the teacher has taken my attendance, I sit there not understanding a thing in the corner of the room, everybody is paired, I apair alone and since the teach is at the pace of others forgetting me, I am far, unbothered and alone. Far from understanding a relationship or lessons.

  The window let’s you see people down there enjoy their life, I like to look at people be people in real life, because they talk to each other as if they are friends, same level of respect, nobody is the but of the joke. They bicker sometimes, and when that happens I want it to be like that, stay like that to give them a piece of what I felt, but they get together. That was me in the past, when I was simply young, just introduced to the grading system, but close to graduating and going to college.

  But it’s been four years since ninth grade, I am in the last of my years, I ponder on the music I listen too, but I am just that existing, so I pay attention to the life moving around me, stuck in an empty buss, just looking out, the music makes me feel like I am stuck in a liminal space, a moment in time that loops forever til the bell chimes and we leave.

  I have friends, but nobody says I do, I do, but nobody wants that it feels like, but it is true I had friends, now they left me, so I only have the friends in my head. Atleast it wasn’t like last year, all the people who talked about me just wanted to talk to me for the laugh of it, I knew, but I entertained myself, then stopped when it felt like I still was an outsider. So was it better back then, or is it better now, nobody disturbs me, there is no change in my heart though.

  I don’t have friends, I say I do, just to save face I never mean it, I am tired no motivation for movement and whenever I say one of my dreams a thousand times I can hear people say its hard, so I stopped. I wrote a book, nobody wants a read, so I stopped, I stopped being a shell of myself, but in front of people they only want that shell.

  I am in the smartest classes, but in a friend group at school, I am but an idiot, I feed into it, I act pathetic sometimes but only for a joke, nobody cares though, I am still just a shell of myself in front of people.

  A new girl showed up, she is a shell just like me, through the years I became petty because that way I could find inner peace, why would I care about people that ignored me and still do, I do things now for the connection of it, never because the answer was friendship, I really just wanna be alone, hate them so much that I stop caring, but it took me three years to do it.

  The girl, she was alone, it was the same as me, I was no stalker so I found a way to be a part of a class assignment with her, why care about the guy spending time with you when even the newbie would rather talk to the group of girls ignoring her, I was again alone.

  Then there were the people I hang with, they’re nice, I guess, but all my friends been nice nothing new there, I get treated like shit anyways because I am always last priority, the two girls I hang with they’re nice, if nice means talking to me when it feels right for one of them and insulting me and saying I will hit you if you annoy my friend for the other. Atleast the one saying something to me is at least saying something, we bicker, but I know I’m last priority and so she is the same for me, I won’t be talking to her ever again after this year, I like that because the last thing I wanna be treated as is like a dead man who gets insulted and treated like an idiot asking for attention.

  Then theres the guy I hang with, or maybe guys, one doesn’t have time nor messages me unless I do, sorry, I mean both of them do that, and when I hang out with them the one who is nice always can’t talk or spend time with us, and the one I’m stuck is a prick who insults me whenever he has the chances. After how many times can you hear yourself and your own life be compared to a turd on the ground, after you say fuck it and leave, he would rather respect his discord group and threaten me when I badmouth them than vice versa I am again last in priority. My only friends are those in my head, say hi, hi.

  I can’t write a structure for the death of me, I might as well write out my mind, in puzzle pieces and then expect the unexpected. To listen to music makes you understand that life moves on without you, but being petty, not wanting the people I hate to be the reason for my end, it makes you wanna live as a massive FUCK YOU to the world that denied you.

  To simply exist is to be scrambled eggs I guess, I guess ey that’s just me, a man who simply exists.