The alley behind the market stank of old fish, rottiables, and desperation. Jack Hou Wu stood at the dead end, hands in his pockets, a zy grin on his face. Behind him, a half-broken wooden cart leaned against the wall, ao it, tied to a post, was a scraggly-looking goat chewing on a piece of pstic.
Blog the o, six men from the White Tiger Gang stood in a loose semicircle, all armed—knives, bats, one guy even had brass knuckles. Their leader, Liu g, a tall, broad-shouldered bastard with a perma swirled a butterfly kween his fingers.
"Crazy Hou, just give up," Liu g said, shaking his head. "Boss just wants the damn keys. You give them to me, we all walk away."
Jack tilted his head, as if sidering. Then, without warning, he grabbed the goat by its midse and hoisted it up like a championship trophy. The goat bleated in protest, its legs kig wildly in the air.
The White Tiger guys hesitated.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Liu g demanded. "That's a goat."
Jack stoically serious. "I grew up in alleys like this."
Liu g blihen took a step forward. "What are you even talking about—"
"TAKE AEP OR CUT MY STAIN, AND I'LL SHOVE THIS KEY INTO THIS GOAT'S ASS."
Silence.
The White Tiger men froze. Every single one of them processed what they just heard.
Then, finally, one of them—a thin guy with a scar on his cheek—leaoward Liu g and whispered, "We should take his word for it. He's that crazy."
Liu g gritted his teeth but then exhaled, f himself to rex. "Alright, alright. I apologize. tinue."
Jack smirked. "See, that's better. Now, as I was saying—I learned a lot on these pavements. Stealing, scamming, fighting… hell, I even sold my body once."
Liu g scoffed. "Now I know you're lying. Rumor has it, your dick is too small to sell your body."
Jack remained pletely serious, adjusting his grip on the goat and slowly moving the key closer to its rear.
The goat made an unfortable noise.
Liu g's men gasped.
"WAIT! WAIT! SORRY! THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!" Liu g shouted. "PLEASE, TINUE."
Jaodded, satisfied. But he kept the key he goat's ass just in case.
"So where was I? Ah, yeah. I got beat up by Boss Lu Yi back when I was a nobody. He knocked me out ultiple times, but every time, I'd get back up. Didn't matter how hard he hit me. I wouldn't stay down."
The White Tiger men shifted unfortably.
Jack tinued, "That stubbornness caught his attentiohing I knew, he was askio joiriad. Ohio another, and now I'm a lieutenant."
One of the gangsters mumbled, "So… he was attracted to his boss. He's gay."
Jack didn't eveate—he pressed the key right against the goat's ass.
"NO! WAIT! WE TAKE IT BACK!" Liu g shouted.
Jaarrowed his eyes. "Not you. The guy who said I'm gay."
Liu g's eyes twitched. Then, without hesitatiourned and puhe guy iomach. "YOU IDIOT, STOP PISSING HIM OFF!"
"Apologize!" Liu g snapped.
The scarred guy, rubbing his cheek, mumbled, "Sorry, Crazy Hou."
Jaodded then sighed. "You know what happens when you climb up the ranks?"
The White Tiger men slowly shook their heads.
Jack smiled. "It means I don't care about grunts like you."
And then—he shoved the key into the goat's ass.
The goat let out an unholy scream.
The White Tiger men screamed with it.
Liu g's face torted in pure rage. "FUCK IT! JUST KILL HIM!"
The gang rushed him all at once.
Jack threw the goat like a pigeon taking flight. "Go goat! Be free!" It filed through the air, crashing into one of the thugs, who colpsed with a panicked yell.
The first guy to reach Jack swung a bat at his head. Jack ducked, grabbed a nearby crate, and smashed it into the guy's legs. The guy tripped, face-first into the ground.
Ahug lunged with a knife. Jack sidestepped, caught his wrist, and twisted—the thug let out a pained scream before Jack kicked his knee inward, dropping him.
Liu g swung his butterfly knife, aiming for Jack's throat.
Jack leaned backward, Matrix-style, letting the bde barely pass his nose. Before Liu g could retract, Jack grabbed his wrist and headbutted him so hard it sounded like a melon crag.
Liu g stumbled baose bleeding, vision spinning.
Ahug came from the side, throwing a wild haymaker. Jack grabbed his arm mid-swing, flipped over his back, and nded behind him.
Then, Jack reached forward and jabbed two fingers into the thug's ass crack.
The thug let out a high-pitched shriek, jumping away like he'd beerocuted.
Jack grinned. "Pressure points. Gotta love 'em."
The st two thugs exged nervous gnces but still charged forward.
Jack ran up the wall behind him, pushed off, and drop-kicked one guy in the chest—he went flying back, crashing into trash s.
The final thug froze. His on hand trembled.
Jack smiled. "Smart man."
The thug dropped his on and ran for his life.
Liu g was the only o, coughing blood on the pavement.
Jack squatted o him.
"So tell me, Liu g… Why did I waste all that time telling my story?"
Liu g spat blood. "Why?"
Jack grinned, leaning in.
"Because I o see each of your faces… so that when my sperm bees human one day, it won't look like you ugly fucks."
Liu g's bloody face twisted in horror.
Jack patted his cheek, stood up, and walked out of the alley, whistling.
Behind him, the goat slowly wandered back, staring at Liu g like it had unfinished business.
Jack strolled out of the alley, hands in his pockets, humming to himself as he left behind a pile of groaning White Tiger thugs.
The momeepped into the market, the usual buzz of atown surrounded him—vendors shouting about fresh fish, ers haggling etables, the st of roasted dud hot oil filling the air.
People reized him immediately.
"Hou Wu!" an old fruit seller greeted him, tossing an apple his way.
Jack caught it in one hand, took a big g bite, and grinned. "Thanks, Uncle Liu! You know I love free shit."
Uncle Liu just shook his head with a chuckle.
Further down, a woman selling roasted chestnuts handed him a small bag.
"You look too skin more," she said.
Jack grabbed the bag, threw a few chestnuts into his mouth, and spoke through the chewing, "You're right, Auntie. I gotta keep my figure in case Hollywood ever needs a handsome Asian lead."
She rolled her eyes, waving him off.
As he walked, he started skipping, his hands filing dramatically as he belted out:
?? "A hopeless romantic all my life…!"
A few heads turned. Some teenagers filming on their phones ughed as they caught Crazy Hou in his natural habitat.
Jack didn't give a shit. He spun around, moonwalked past a dumpling stall, then smoothly cartwheeled onto the sidewalk like a deranged ballerina.
His underlings—three men in cheap leather jackets and buzz cuts—were waiting for him at his territory, standing like stiff schoolboys waiting for their teacher.
When Jack arrived, they bowed in unison. "Brother Jack!"
"Ah, my loyal little dugs!" Jack spread his arms. "Did you miss me?"
One of them, Little Wei, held out a thivelope. "Brother Jack, this is the monthly prote. We already collected them."
Jack took the envelope, weighed it in his hand, and whistled. "Damn. Feels heavy. You sure you didn't rob a bank?"
"No, Brother Jack!" they said in unison.
Jaodded approvingly. "Good work. Here."
He reached in, pulled out a stack, and tossed half of it back at them. "Take this, go party tonight."
The three of them looked at the money in their hands, eyes lighting up—but before they could eve—
"WAIT."
Jack suddenly snatched the money back from their hands.
"How DARE you try to go party when tomorrow is the Boss's wedding?!" Jack gasped dramatically, shaking his head. "Tsk, tsk, tsk! Unbelievable. The DISRESPECT."
The three men stared bnkly, then just nodded in agreement.
They knew how Jack was.
Jack then waved them off. "What are you still doing here? Go patrol! You 't just take proteoney and not protect them. That's a racketeering scam!"
They nodded again, running off.
Jack watched them go, then tossed a chestnut into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully.
"Man… I'm such a good role model."
He tinued skipping dowreet, still humming Cupid.
**A/N**
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**A/N**
