Section 5 Section 57 Left Ear (57)

  "I'm in love," I said to him.

  "Really?"

  "And Xu Yi." I said.

  I thought he would blow his top, but I was wrong, all he did was let out a soft "oh".

  I have no way of knowing his emotions, more importantly, after Xu Yi sent a New Year's greeting, he completely turned off his phone. I know what he means, he wants me to be carefree. Heaven knows how helpless I am in the face of all this.

  On the morning of the second day of the Chinese New Year, I went to Baba's grave.

  In front of her tomb, the green grass was swaying gently. A bunch of fresh yellow roses were placed there, with beautiful dew drops on them. I bent down to touch the petals, and a familiar scent wafted up, startling me so much that I turned around and ran away, but a figure blocked my path.

  "Little ears," he said, "where are you going?"

  "Ah!" I finally calmed myself down: "Happy New Year, Zhang Yang."

  He smiled and looked at me: "You seem to have grown taller."

  "How is it possible." I said, "I haven't grown any taller since I was sixteen years old."

  He stretched out his hand and gently patted me on the head, saying: "Happy New Year!"

  "Are you going back home for Chinese New Year?" I was talking nonsense.

  "Yes," he said, "go home for Chinese New Year." He also talked nonsense.

  "We're going back to school soon." I continued rambling on.

  "We are too." He rubbed the back of his head, going along with me.

  "What are you still doing here?" I asked him.

  "He pointed ahead: 'I'm waiting for my dad, he went ahead.'"

  "Oh." I said, "Goodbye."

  "Goodbye."

  I took a few steps forward, wanting to turn back, but I knew that no matter what, I couldn't turn back. But then I heard him shouting from behind: "Little Ears."

  I stopped in my tracks.

  He said: "If you change your mailbox or phone number one day, be sure to let me know."

  I turned around and forced a smile, saying "Alright, I definitely will."

  He raised his hand and said goodbye to me again. I also smiled and waved at him. For some reason, at that moment, I suddenly thought of Leung Ka-fai for no reason. As I walked down the mountain quickly, I was thinking about a very philosophical idea: A person is definitely different inside and outside the play. This is not scary, what's scary is that you can't tell whether you are inside or outside the play.

  I returned to Shanghai five days before school started.

  I didn't tell Xu Yi, first because his phone was always turned off, and second because I also wanted to give him a surprise.

  I returned to Shanghai at a little past three in the afternoon, and without stopping by school to drop off my luggage, I headed straight to Xu Yi's school with my large bag. Since school had not yet started, their campus was also quite deserted. Xu Yi was not in his dormitory. A sense of indescribable panic began to rise up in my heart, as if I were lost in a sea of people and had lost him just like that. So I went to the computer company where he worked. By this time, it was already after work hours, and the company's door was tightly shut, but not locked. I gave it a light push, and the door opened. From all the running around, I was already very tired, and my large bag was almost too heavy for me to carry, so I put it down on the ground and walked alone through the narrow corridor ahead, knowing that the small machine room where Xu Yi often stayed was at the far end of this corridor.

  As I walked closer, it seemed like I heard a voice.

  I hesitated and stopped for a moment, then involuntarily took a step forward.

  I stood by the door for a moment, raised my hand and knocked on it. A voice came from inside, "Who is it?"

  I didn't make a sound.

  He quickly opened the door. The moment he saw me, he was flustered. He hastily asked me: "How did you come back? How did you come back?" And tried to block my line of sight with his body. My gaze looked inside and saw a figure sitting in the dark, wearing red long pants, with long seaweed-like hair, I couldn't see her face clearly.

  I couldn't stop vomiting.

  "Li Yu!" Xu Yi grabbed my hand and said, "Don't think nonsense."

  I pushed him away in indignation.

  As I turned around and left, the girl's triumphant laughter echoed from behind me. The sound pierced my eardrums and stabbed into my heart like a knife.

  The door slammed shut behind me with a "bang", and Xu Ye didn't catch up.

  On Labour Day holiday, I went to Lijiang in Yunnan alone. Standing on Sifang Street listening to the camel bell and looking at the high and distant sky of Lijiang, I felt my whole body relaxed, as if I had shed a layer of skin, growing up like yesterday, this Li E and that Li E are completely different from before.