Chapter 92: The Crime of Desire

  After silently confirming in my heart that today is not the special April 1st, I started staring seriously at the two words "Kang Jian" on the paper, and yearned for some kind of power to wake me up, making me suddenly open my eyes with a face full of cold sweat lying in bed, then muttering to myself that it was just a dream.

  Although silently standing still and constantly refusing to believe it's true, it still verifies the saying "Facts are often hard to accept, but also often can't be changed."

  "Isn't the reason already written above?" The tour guide said to me after seeing me staring at him with a confused face.

  "It's because of these... renting houses off-campus, skipping classes without reason, failing courses, getting into fights during freshman year..." I couldn't believe that the nonsense on this paper was the reason for my inexplicable expulsion. If these reasons were valid, then nearly a thousand stupid students from Harbin Institute would be waiting in the waiting hall of Harbin Railway Station overnight, cursing the school leaders and heading back to their hometowns.

  "You weren't absent from freshman orientation either! It's clearly written in the student handbook!" The counselor said to me, spitting out a mouthful of smoke.

  "If that's the case, at least half of our school's students should be expelled! Not to mention that I was already punished for fighting in my freshman year! If you're going to expel me, shouldn't you notify me first?! Why did you make this decision so quickly and suddenly?!"

  As someone who has been studying in a bizarre school where anything can happen, after nearly four years of tempering, my heart, which is already riddled with scars, has become numb to any foolish thing that might happen. But when faced with this inexplicable yet bloody decision on paper, my wounded heart still beats violently and trembles. Under this mindset, I couldn't help but ask the instructor in agitation.

  "Please sit down..." The guide pointed to the seat across from him, indicating for me to take a seat. "This is just a preliminary decision by the school leadership and has not been formally issued... which means there is still room for resolution." The guide said this with a slightly softer tone when he saw that I was still standing in place without any intention of sitting down.

  "What should I do then?" I seemed to see a glimmer of hope from the instructor's words.

  "Are you the one who submitted an article to University xx Weekly a few months ago, reflecting some problems with our school's textbook fees?" The counselor's words reminded me of a report I wrote three months ago that I thought would benefit everyone.

  The issue of charging fees in China's education sector has long been a topic that people are eager to discuss and talk about. Perhaps due to the condemnation of their conscience, more and more schools have started not to collect book fees but let students solve teaching materials by themselves. As a result, old books that were once dilapidated and would be destroyed or used as pulp in their lifetime can now be rescued and play a role among generations of students to some extent, making a small contribution to environmental protection.

  The school, which has always been rigid and slow to respond to certain regulations in my impression, also performed as usual in this matter, still stubbornly insisting that each new student pay a certain amount of book fees. At that time, as a confused teenager who was tortured by nine years of compulsory education, I naively thought that the school's "brilliance" greatly facilitated my classmates and made me feel warm, and deeply realized that although I was in a not-so-good school, I could still feel the warmth of a big family, which is a very happy thing.

  But when we inadvertently discover that the prices of various teaching materials on the shelves in the Xuefu Bookstore, just a street away from us, are always 20% or even 40% off, the last bit of illusion about school is also shattered. But as a relatively disadvantaged group, apart from secretly cursing the school's despicable behavior, we can only remain silent.

  Just as we had been silent for 3 years and were about to forget the school's shameless exploitation, the school suddenly issued a "Notice on the Supplemental Payment of Tuition Fees for Junior Students", which once again awakened our painful memories. Facing the textbooks on the dormitory bookshelf that have been accumulated from freshman to junior year, still brand new and shiny, and even not yet used by many teachers in the first class, we felt heartbroken and also inspired to arm ourselves with knowledge. After verifying through accounting theories that the amount of money exploited by the school is roughly equal to the amount of money paid for supplemental payment, we suddenly didn't know why we started to have a naive fantasy about the school again, hoping to remind them of these problems they might have ignored and awaken their conscience by reflecting on these issues.

  But as a group that is always at a disadvantage in the campus, it's like a flock of sheep waiting to be slaughtered by a pack of hungry wolves. The louder you cry out, the more you'll arouse the wolves' desire to devour you. After reflecting on the desperate situation that has been fruitless three or five times, I truthfully recorded this outrageous behavior and submitted an article to "University xx Weekly". In order to highlight the authenticity and show my fearless attitude, I published it under my real name...

  "Ah!" I thought for a moment and replied affirmatively, and began to realize that my being fired seemed to be related to this matter.

  "You're also being very irresponsible! How can you do such an irresponsible report?! The school may have some unstable handling of the textbook fee issue, and the school leaders and party committee are already researching this issue, I believe it will be resolved soon. But your report has brought a lot of negative impact to the school, do you know that? Now, a local newspaper has reprinted your article, and the school leaders have received some disciplinary action. As a student of this school, you should be bringing glory to the school!

  The instructor's words, which prioritize the school's interests above all else, made me feel confused at this moment, thinking that the school's receiving the deserved disciplinary action was not due to their shameless behavior, but because I wrote this report. It also made me wonder if the principal's interests are equal to the school's interests. This finally made me understand and experience the meaning of the ancient and helpless classic phrase "if you want to frame someone, there's no need to worry about finding a reason".

  "You are now facing expulsion, and the school is actually very reluctant to make this decision. After all, schools will try their best to save every student who has made mistakes..." The counselor then put on a painful expression again.

  "As long as I write a statement saying that my previous false reports were purely fictional, would the school possibly let me off easy!" I interrupted the instructor's words and started climbing up the obvious "bamboo pole" handed to me.

  "This... if you can timely restore the school's reputation and make some contributions to the school, I think the school leaders will still consider handling it with discretion..." The counselor saw that I was very cooperative and developing in the direction he hoped for, so he smiled and said to me.

  "It would be best if I write another report, praising the school's remarkable achievements in academics over the past 5 years and its cultivation of countless outstanding talents for the country, a rising star in China's education sector..."

  "It would be even better if you could write it..." The tour guide's smile became even brighter after I said this.

  "Is this enough? Do I need to pull some strings or make a gesture..." I said seriously to the tour guide.

  "This... don't rush for now... let me take a look first, if it's really necessary, I'll tell you..." The tour guide stood up from his seat, walked to the door, closed it and said with a smile.

  "Alright! Dean! You can expel me now!" I crumpled the disciplinary decision in my hand and threw it to the ground, saying to the dean with a defiant tone. I don't know why I was so impulsive, maybe it was because of my pride, maybe it was because of my youthful arrogance, or maybe it was because of some personal principles. I didn't know what consequences I would face after my outburst, and I wasn't sure if what I did was right or wrong. Maybe in a few years, I would regret not being able to get my graduation certificate just because I didn't humble myself, but at least for now, I felt like the heroic communist party member from those old anti-Japanese war movies who refused the Nationalist Party's corrupt officials' bribes and beautiful women's seductions. After indulging in self-admiration, I chose a heroic posture and walked out of the dean's office.

  Perhaps it was the expression of the instructor "from heaven to hell" that after I came out of the teaching building, I had a sense of satisfaction in my heart, but after being satisfied, wave after wave of loss and melancholy began to attack my heart. I didn't expect my university career to end in such a simple and ridiculous way. After enduring nearly four years of college life torture, it still didn't end well.

  From childhood to adulthood, almost everything I did was centered around getting this graduation certificate that our generation has been striving for, but unexpectedly, just as I was about to get it, I suddenly lost the qualification to have it...